Some helpful steps for the process of Affair Recovery:
- See a Marriage/Couples Counselor. Find a Counselor who is trained and experienced in Couples Therapy specializing in Infidelity. An affair doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship so try and avoid Therapists who believe in that theory.
- End The Affair. The first thing that is necessary to move forward is the affair must end. Real commitment in affair recovery includes this difficult process.
- Identify The Problem Areas. Often times infidelity has underlying issues that need to be examined to understand what contributed to the actual affair. Then put preventive measures in place to keep similar situations from happening again.
- Be Accountable. If you are the one who had the affair it is imperative you take responsibility for your actions. If you are the hurt party it is also important to consider what role you may have played in your partner’s unhappiness and reasons for straying. I’m in no way pointing the finger or blaming the person who was cheated on but often times there is a dynamic that needs to be looked at and considered as the couple moves forward.
- Rebuild Trust. When there is Transparency from the partner who cheated coupled with taking responsibility, and showing remorse, rebuilding trust can happen. With secrets becoming a thing of the past the Hurt partner is confident the relationship can make a new beginning.
- Develop Your Monogamy Agreement. A Contract that is an Explicit Relationship Agreement created by each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations for moving forward. (See next week’s Blog)
Remember an affair doesn’t have to end in divorce. If both parties are open to understanding their part in this awful dilemma and are committed to establishing a new way of interacting, their relationship can move forward stronger than ever. Couples Counseling and working with a skilled Therapist who can move you through this process is important to receive the results you desire.
Please give me a call at (858) 735-1139 as I have worked with many couples in Couples Therapy who have developed New Monogamy agreements and have proven to make a difference in their lives.