Sex on the Beach Isn't just a Cocktail for my Couples

What To Do After An Affair Is Discovered

What To Do After An Affair Is Discovered.  You’ve just discovered your husband/wife is having an affair. You’re flushed with a range of emotions and are feeling pretty vulnerable right about now.  You’re probably overwhelmed thinking your relationship and life as you know it is over.  As a Marriage Counselor specializing in Affair Recovery I urge you to slow down, take a few deep breaths and don’t do anything impulsive.  Take a few moments to acknowledge your feelings.  Don’t act on them.  Try to exercise appropriate behavior while you undergo the process of What To Do After An Affair Is Discovered.

girl holding a shirt with the imprint of lipstick.

As a Couples Counselor I provide these helpful steps to manage dealing with the discovery or disclosure of an affair:

  1. Normalize your emotions – you will experience rollercoaster like days – good days and bad days. Don’t ignore your feelings, be in denial about the reality of the situation or make things worse by telling everyone you know that your husband/wife is a lying cheating adulterer.
  2. Give each other some space – don’t get into each other’s face and start judging and criticizing as this won’t get you any further than creating even more bad feelings.  State you both need time away from each other to talk to a Marriage Counselor who specializes in Affair Recovery to get the appropriate information in moving forward for any discussion.
  3. Don’t rush into talking about the details – wait until you get into Marriage Counseling as the Marriage Counselor is trained and will guide you through the process so you receive the information to make moving forward successful.
  4. Tell selected and trusted people in your life.  Empathic support is needed in order for you to begin healing, regardless of whether your relationship can be salvaged.  Don’t isolate yourself.  Good friends are needed to create and maintain momentum to get you through this difficult time.
  5. Seek professional help with a Marriage Counselor who specializes in working with Infidelity and Affair Recovery as they are trained and hold expertise on the process of infidelity recovery so you don’t waste precious time working with someone who means well but doesn’t have the specific training to effectively move your relationship forward.
  6. If you have kids remember they are under your protection. They suffer when you speak badly of their other parent. You are trying to hurt the person who hurt you, but you can end up hurting your children at the same time and they don’t deserve it.

With the guidance of a Marriage Counselor trained and experienced in helping couples recover from infidelity and the aftermath of an affair there may be more choices than separating or divorce.

Even with these guidelines, dealing with infidelity can be excruciating. Try to focus on understanding where your best interests lie. There are times when partners can overcome an affair and make their relationship work as well, or better, than ever. There are also many times when such a result is just not possible.  As you consider your options no matter how you view your situation, exercise compassion toward yourself; not self-pity.

If you want more information about what to do after an affair is discovered please call me at (858) 735-1139 as I do specialize in Infidelity and Affair Recovery.