Do Affairs Really Have To End A Marriage or Relationship?
There are many reasons why an affair occurs. It is most important to understand that an affair affects both people in a relationship. The healing process can lead a Couple to deeper levels of intimacy or a closeness they’ve never shared before. For Couples who want to rebuild their relationship after one partner has had an affair it is imperative both parties, despite their own personal pain, try and look within themselves to see how their own behavior contributed to the demise of the once happy and working union. I am not suggesting the Hurt party is to blame in any way. I am only recommending taking a look at how each person in the partnership may have brought implicit or explicit neglect or abuse into the spiraling down dynamics of their relationship. I’m not talking about Chronic Philanderers or people who have continuous affairs, they’re in an entirely different category. I’m referring to those who have had an isolated incident in one affair that is creating the need for change within the relationship.
In working with Couples who do take a look at their individual part of this devastating situation prognosis is typically better than those who would rather blame the person who had the affair by continuing to berate that person in how they have made their life miserable.
When you’re ready to take a look at what happened to the relationship it would be good to seek the help of a Marriage Therapist or Couples Counselor who specializes in working with infidelity and helping couples get through the process of determining whether they can or want to stay together or move on. In Couples Counseling the couple will need to acknowledge the problems prior to the affair as sometimes the affair could be a symptom of some other underlying problem. Just because infidelity strikes your marriage doesn’t mean it has to end in a separation or divorce. Often times an affair can be the best thing that ever happened to a relationship as it brings an end to a relationship that wasn’t working and gives the couple an opportunity to develop a new relationship by developing a New Monogamy.
In working with Couples in Therapy we do just that. Incorporating techniques from the book, “The New Monogamy” we develop relationship agreements specific to individual needs and help couples receive the relationship that works for them. For more information on developing the relationship you have always wanted please call me (858) 735-1139.