Back To School – Reclaim Your Intimacy. Summer’s over and it’s time to concentrate on “us”. With the completion of Labor Day, Summer is officially over. The new school year has begun. The children are no longer around to act as a diversion to you and your spouse spending one on one time together. Summer vacation is over and you’re back to your normal routine. That family vacation was nice except you felt no connection with your husband/wife. The kids had fun but what about you? Just thinking about that same old routine is making you feel really desperate and lonely. Do you think your spouse is thinking the same way? Do you and your spouse go through the motions but don’t feel that spark any longer?
As a Marriage Counselor, I work with couples who spend all their time with their children leaving no time for themselves either individually or through coupling activities. As a mother of two, I know how fun it is to spend time with my children. But I also understand the importance of taking care and nurturing my individual self. Taking care of my self in ways that make me happy rejuvenates my soul and in turn, benefits my spouse and children. Some individuals concentrate on meeting everybody’s needs but their own only to become resentful and angry. Does this sound like you? Did you know that in every relationship there exists an “ME?” The “WE” in a relationship can never be quite satisfied until that “ME” has fulfilled certain individual wants and needs.
In working with couples I help them understand the first step in developing a successful relationship is ensuring a healthy Sense of Self. There’s a starting point to finding your soul mate and that begins with knowing who YOU are. The evolved self then has the capability to know what to look for in a relationship. In any healthy relationship, it takes two differentiated individuals to know when to take time for themselves and when to make time for the relationship. Often times families put too much emphasis on the group as a whole where the husband and wife neglect their coupling together time.
I have a couple who is consumed with their children and have no romantic relationship between them. They say they love their children very much, however, what are they role modeling for them when they are not showing any affection toward one another? Their children will more than likely grow up to find partners like their parents and they, too, will have relationships that function nicely but have no intimacy. I have another couple who balances both family life and their relationship where every week they plan a coupling activity together. Whether you call it a “date” or something you both enjoy doing together that builds an emotional connection that is what makes a relationship intimate. A place and time where you don’t talk about work or the kids. When children see their parents happy and showing love and affection toward one another they can internalize that feeling where it will help them find and nurture their own intimate relationships.
Our children are not the only ones to learn new things this academic year. For more information on acquiring skills to help your relationship become more intimate please contact me at (858) 735-1139.