Does Your Cheating Partner Deserve A Second Chance? When is enough….enough? Many people ask themselves the question….”should I stay or should I go?” Especially when the topic on the table is infidelity. Questions asked include:
1. Can you recover from infidelity?
2. Should you consider recovery?
3. Is past behavior future behavior?
I don’t believe in second chances when there are multiple affairs factored into the equation. That group, we’re just not going to talk about. But when there has been one indiscretion there are certain things that must happen for you to determine whether or not your spouse deserves a second chance. Whether the infidelity happened because of immaturity, poor impulse control, “sowing wild oats,” or whatever the reason, it is important that your spouse:
1. Take ownership (responsibility) for what he/she did.
2. Show empathy – know what it’s done to you.
3. Can’t have any more secrets – must show transparency in behavior, including all means of communication.
4. Willing to be monitored.
5. Willing to be subjected to scrutiny.
6. Get professional help from a Counselor who specializes in Infidelity.
7. Understand why this was an ASSAULT on her/his being so there will be no next time.
8. Ask yourself the question…do you believe enough in yourself as a survivor that if he/she fails you and re-offends you can emotionally, psychologically and physically survive? If you can = give him or her that second chance. If you can’t = get out now!! Your emotional well being is worth more than his or her second chance if they choose to hurt you again.
It is important to teach people how to treat you. If you don’t expect consideration and respect some people won’t give it to you. If you are experiencing the difficult decision whether or not to give your partner another chance as they have hurt you to your core by cheating on you and damaging your relationship, please give me a call at (858) 735-1139 or email me at Sarah@CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com and we can talk about how you can make sure you are making the right decision for you and your family.