Sex on the Beach Isn't just a Cocktail for my Couples

Is An Emotional Affair Worse Than A Sexual Affair?

Is An Emotional Affair Worse Than A Sexual Affair?  Just because you didn’t have sexual intercourse doesn’t mean it wasn’t an affair.  An affair is the act of behaving unfaithfully and cheating on a spouse or significant other.  As a Couples Counselor I believe it is a breach of fidelity when inappropriate relationships and behaviors are kept secret from your significant other.  An example could be when you are communicating with someone online and start including sexual innuendos, sexting, flirtatious banter, and sharing thoughts and feelings that lead to intimacy.  Whenever personal information is shared with the opposite sex an intimacy, albeit, an inappropriate form of intimacy is developed.  The process of sharing such personal information makes people vulnerable and vulnerability makes people feel intimate or emotionally connected.  As a Marriage Counselor I see couples who illicit my help as they have triangulated another person into their marriage by sharing their marital problems, as well as sexual problems with their friend of the opposite sex, and now feel close to that friend.  As their friendship strengthens they feel an emotional connection and sometimes this leads to a sexual affair.  If it doesn’t the fact they have been sharing intimate information about their marriages and one another to each other develops a deeper connection between them and that leads to trouble as an Emotional Connection now becomes an Affair.

Side view of unhappy young couple standing back to back at home

A dating site for people seeking affairs, Victoria Milan,  surveyed 5,000 of their members to find out their attitudes about cheating — specifically, how they felt about sexual affairs versus emotional affairs. It turns out, men and women have very different ideas about what’s forgivable and what’s not.

Here’s what they discovered:

  • 72 percent of men said sexual affairs were worse than emotional affairs.
  • 69 percent of women said emotional affairs were worse than sexual affairs.
  • 76 percent of women would forgive their partner for a strictly sexual affair
  • Only 35 percent of men would forgive their partner for a strictly sexual affair.
  • 80 percent of men said they would forgive an emotional affair.
  • Only 30 percent of women would forgive an emotional affair.

“Many people are searching for affection, a deeper connection that can lead to real, feelings, not just sex,” said Victoria Milan CEO Sigurd Vedal in a press release. “What kind of cheating is more painful? It totally depends on the individual, and maybe on gender as well.”  Researchers from the University of Michigan found that women viewed “forming a deep emotional bond” during infidelity as a much bigger concern than men.

Whatever your views on the subject Betrayal never feels good.  Working as a Marriage and Couples Counselor in private practice I specialize in Affair Recovery.  I believe affairs are symptoms of other issues effecting the relationship.  Of course, affairs are also part of a personality challenge in some people known as Philanderers.  I am here to help those who want to learn more about why they do what they do and how to move forward so their behavior stops hurting themselves and their relationships.

For more information please contact me at (858) 735-1139.

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