Expectations Of A Marriage Proposal On Valentine’s Day. Here it is, Valentine’s Day. You’ve been dating your gal for over a “decent period” of time now. You both know each other well enough and you know she wants you to take the next step. So what are you waiting for?!
As a Marriage Counselor, I see many couples during this period of time. They come in for either pre-marital counseling because they just got engaged or they come in because the women whose been dating her guy for this “decent period” of time didn’t get asked “the question” and there is a huge bump in the road. Couples come into counseling to talk about what the reasons could be that prevent them from taking the next step and look at options including whether to stay or go.
When I was dating my second husband I was 39 years old and a single parent with a 9-year-old. After 6 months we went to San Francisco for Valentine’s Day weekend. I naturally assumed this would be the time he would propose. As wonderful as the trip had been there was no proposal and I was a bit surprised. I contained my emotions but did communicate at my earliest convenience my disappointment as, again, I had thought we had gone through that “decent period” of time and knew we wanted to move our relationship to the next step. In my opinion, I thought his reasoning was lame but respected it. We had just moved in together after 6 months, both had been married once before, and me being very practical thought that moving forward in marriage was the next logical step.
As you can see even Marriage Counselors behave in ways that don’t make sense to most males. In any case, after several discussions where we both shared our thoughts, feelings and any concerns, we acknowledged we did want to move forward and he did happily propose as he said he was planning on doing so in the near future. We’ve been married now for over 18 years.
Not all couples in this situation have a happy ending. If you are expecting a marriage proposal from your guy for all of your good reasons it would be good to have a dialogue with him about it sooner rather than later. When Valentine’s Day comes and goes and you don’t get that proposal you will be consumed with a range of emotions. It would be inappropriate and not very attractive to “act out” those emotions in ways that threaten the relationship.
If you are a man who knows your gal expects a marriage proposal and you are not ready or wanting to go to the next step, same recommendation. Have a dialogue with her about your feelings sooner rather than later. And, by the way, if you don’t ever intend on getting married please tell her. She deserves to know so she can make a thoughtful decision on whether or not she wants to continue to date you.
If any of you fall under either of these categories and need help during this period of time please contact me at (858) 735-1139. If you are in a relationship that has passed its expiration date and need help in knowing what to do next please do not hesitate to contact me.