Sex on the Beach Isn't just a Cocktail for my Couples

If Your Husband Is Cheating

If Your Husband Is Cheating.  Do you think your husband is cheating?  Facing this reality can be scary. Finding out your husband is cheating is one of the toughest things to go through in a marriage.  If you’re uncertain and suspect your spouse may be having an affair the following are guidelines to help initiate dialogue with him to get the clarity you need to confirm If Your Husband Is Cheating:

Cheating his wife, young men chatting with his mistress while his wife sleeps

1.  Share your thoughts and feelings.  Identify what you feel.  Talk about your concerns.  Assert yourself by communicating in a calm and effective manner.  Tell him how his behavior affects you.  Your anger is justified but express it appropriately without acting out so you feel better about yourself and keep your self-esteem in tact.

2.  Ask for honesty.  No doubt this will be a difficult conversation.  Give him the opportunity to be honest and say what he needs to say.  Tell him not to caretake your needs and say the truth as lying or continuing to lie is defeating the purpose of caretaking your needs.

3.  Tell him what you are observing.  Working overtime more, excessive phone conversations, text, internet use, unaccountable hours etc.

4.  Provide any physical evidence of any cheating behavior.  Text messages or emails from the other woman or credit card statements showing payments for flowers, lingerie or jewelry that were not for you, show this to him.

5.  Observe his reaction and demeanor.  Expect him to be defensive and deny any of the allegations.

6.  Take appropriate measures for your personal self-care and well being.  Set appropriate physical and emotional boundaries to keep yourself safe.  If there was any sexual interaction with another person getting tested for an STD is recommended as soon as possible.

7.  Talk to a Marriage Counselor or Couples Counselor.   A professional who specializes in Affair Recovery.  If you are both committed to do whatever is necessary to heal the wounds and create a happier, healthier union, it is possible to save a marriage after an affair.

No progress will be made if you and your husband don’t talk about what has happened.  Having a dialogue with your husband about his affair is an extremely difficult first step, but it is absolutely necessary to do this if he hasn’t come clean on his own.

You will have to consider the possibility that your husband may not want to end the affair. He may tell you that he is confused and doesn’t know who he wants to be with, or that he is leaving you for the other woman. If he can’t assure you that the affair is over, that he is sorry for the betrayal and committed to rebuilding the marriage and earning your trust back, you need to accept that the relationship is over. Begging him to stay with you may be your initial reaction out of fear and insecurity, but it is not a healthy place from which to repair your broken marriage.

Give yourself some time and space to process what has happened and what your husband has told you about the affair. If you have children and don’t want to disrupt their lives until it is absolutely necessary, ask your husband to sleep in another room. If you don’t have kids to consider, or you just can’t bear to be under the same roof with him, ask him to leave. He’s the guilty one, so he should be the one to go  and give you the space you need to work out whether you want to try to save the marriage. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to make a quick decision about the future of your relationship. What you choose to do will affect the rest of your life, happiness, and emotional and mental health.

Don’t blame yourself if your husband is cheating. Even if you may have contributed in some way to the deterioration of your relationship, you are not to blame for his act of betrayal. Decide whether you can move on from the betrayal. Consider what is right for your children, but put your own happiness and Sense of Self first.

Sarah Cook Ruggera, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in working with Couples.  She has expertise in Affair and Infidelity Recovery as she helps couples acquire the necessary tools and learn the needed process to move forward in redeveloping trust. Sarah Ruggera’s expertise enables the person who had the affair to demonstrate more appropriate behavior toward the Hurt Partner so that the Hurt Partner can determine whether or not they want to stay with that partner long term.  

Divorce doesn’t necessarily have to be the result of an affair. The best indicator of an affair ever happening again is with transparency and the willingness of the Affair Partner to implement newfound behavior.

Affair Recovery with Sarah Ruggera can be effective if both parties are willing to put in the effort and learn the process in which to develop a new relationship with good integrity to move forward.

To schedule an appointment to repair your marriage/relationship contact Sarah Ruggera at (858) 735-1139.