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Know When To Say “No”

It’s a New Year.  Are you one to make a New Year’s Resolution?  I don’t recommend making New Year’s resolutions.  What I do recommend is concentrating on Oneself.  Often times we are worried about getting other people’s needs met that we forget about our own.  We are constantly saying Yes to everyone that is solicitous of our help.  To the point where we can lose ourselves in their drama.

Saying No is an act of integrity and shields us against exploitation of oneself.  The ability to say No is one of the most important skills a person can have, especially if you are a giver.  It takes allot of courage to say No in that it is necessary to carve out time for one’s own schedule and place limits for your own accomplishments.  In the work place it’s important in that you need to establish balance between work and personal life.  Without that balance work can be overwhelming and unmanageable.  Saying No makes people respect you and your time more.  Allowing yourself this limit enables you to feel in control and have self-confidence.  Being able to say No to close relationships tests the true foundation of that friendship.  If you can’t say No, at least to some things some of the time, you are not being loved but controlled.  For love allows for the freedom of choice.  Without the ability to say No we become People Pleasers.  People think People Pleasers are nice people.  In reality they are really angry and resentful people as they give too much of their time to others and not getting their own needs met.

Assert yourself this New Year and give yourself the ok to say No when you feel you don’t want or can’t do something for someone.  See how you feel and sit with that feeling.

Suggestions for when you need to say No:

  • Replace your automatic Yes with I’ll think about it.
  • Rehearse the answer No so it will be more comfortable for you to say the word.
  • Try saying “I’m not comfortable with that.” “I’d rather not.” “I’d prefer not to” or “That’s nice, but I won’t be able to”
  • Refer to commitment to others: “I’d love to, but I have already agreed to help my sister and can’t let her down.”

Bill Cosby quotes “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

If you are having difficulty this upcoming year saying No to friends, co-workers and relatives, please give me a call at (858)- 735-1139 and we can acquire the tools to learn how to better assert oneself and get your personal needs met.  Happy New Year.  Let’s get 2014 off to a fabulous start with getting YOUR needs met for a change.