So what’s all this talk about New Monogamy Agreements?
New Monogamy Agreements are Contracts that are an Explicit Relationship Agreement created by each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations for moving forward in a new way of behaving within their Relationship. This agreement in no way creates an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. If Open Marriage happens to be a desire for both partners then it would become part of the Agreement.
In Couples Counseling with me there is no judgement or criticism while developing these Agreements as I am here to help guide the process enabling Couples to live the life they desire as we have entered into the 21st Century. We do not have the marriages/relationships that our parents or grandparents had. There are hundreds of “How To” lists for relationships and all seem to say the same thing. Why not put something together that works for you and your partner. We live in such a diversified and dynamic world where everyone is unique. I help Couples in Couples Therapy develop New Monogamy Agreements to rebuild trust after an Affair or to re-establish Intimacy in a seemingly stale partnership.
When making your Monogamy Agreement try and keep in mind that it’s like renewing your Vows. It’s important not to just make promises like you did when you got married or pledged your Fidelity. This agreement will have fluidity and variety and will be renewed as often as needed.
Some of the questions to ask in your New Monogamy Agreement will be based on your cultural and religious beliefs, as well as your upbringing and traditional sex roles, family history and personal moral values.
Utilizing Tammy Nelson’s Book “The New Monogamy” I help Couples in the Moving Forward process answer questions that help create their new agreements. Included are questions that incorporate:
- Action (Behavior)
- And Extras – anything else you want to add that is important to you
The vision for your Monogamy should be described as if it is happening at present….in the “now.” When the agreement is written and dated it is kept in a safe place where it can be updated whenever you are unsure about your commitment. Talk about questions that come up and revise when needed. When completed celebrate and do something special to concretize the experience for you. Your New Monogamy agreement is one of the most important things you will accomplish. It shouldn’t be taken lightly. Give yourself credit for having a conscious relationship for moving forward in your newly established relationship. I celebrate your new relationship for you in advance!