I said I’d never stay with a partner who cheated on me. We’ve all made this statement sometime in our relationship life. “I Said I’d Never Stay With A Partner Who Cheated On Me.” Who would want to stay with a spouse/partner who cheated on them? Obvious answer, “No one.” But that question is not as black and white as one would think. You may instinctively already know that infidelity is much more complicated than our culture admits. That there are more choices in the aftermath than just separating or divorcing. Affairs can be shocking and painful, no doubt, and can often cause untold damage. However, for some couples an affair may also be the path to strength and to a renewed and stronger relationship.
If individuals are confused about whether or not to stay together Couples Counseling with a trained Therapist in Infidelity recovery can help explore the options of giving your relationship another chance.
There are different components of an affair which include an outside emotional relationship, dishonesty, and a sexual relationship. The outside emotional relationship is where a secondary relationship appears to be more important than the primary relationship where your partner’s affection for this other person is now a threat to your relationship. Dishonesty is the deceitful behavior of lying, denying, or hiding evidence of an affair that destroys trust. The sexual relationship is the worst injury for most as a line of physical intimacy has been crossed and devastates a person’s self esteem.
When an affair is discovered the immediate response is disbelief, anger, grief, loss, or sadness. It can take several years before the hurt partner is ready to even consider forgiveness. If you choose to stay and rebuild after an affair that doesn’t mean you forgive. Forgiveness implies that you must now trust your partner’s promises of never straying again. Asking for forgiveness places the responsibility on the hurt partner. Forgiveness is a natural process that comes with an understanding and new awareness of your partner. Then there is the guilt of not being able or want to forgive. Or feeling guilty that you decided to stay in the relationship or guilty that you left the marriage.
Concentrate more so on ensuring you are ok, that your basic needs are taken care of, children are safe and you have a support system in place that includes family, friends and a Therapist who can help process the range of emotions you are feeling. Be careful not to take too much advice from friends and family as they are biased in wanting the best for your well-being.
The decision is yours whether you stay in your relationship or leave it. No one else’s. Don’t allow anyone to judge or criticize your decision. Develop and put in place a Moving Forward Plan for whatever you choose so that you know you have an objective tool to work from to evaluate your progress in getting what you want. I help Individuals and Couples in Marriage Counseling develop Moving Forward Plans. Each plan is different and unique to the people making them. Give me a call at (858) 735-1139 and we can get started on your Moving Forward Plan.