Why Your Spouse May Be On Ashley Madison. Why do men and women cheat? There are a slew of reasons why people cheat. Reasons don’t necessarily mean they don’t love their partners any more. With living through the routine “details of life,” paying bills, parenting the children, cleaning the house, buying the groceries, cooking the meals, etc., life can become very hum drum especially when the passion in your relationship has run its course. As a Marriage and Couples Counselor I hear statements like, “I’m too tired, there’s never enough time in the day, the kids were getting on my nerves, the bills are giving me anxiety, you work too much.” What happened to that courtship behavior we all displayed in the “Honeymoon Stage” of our Relationships?
Marital relationship expert and writer Charles J. Orlando went undercover and joined Ashley Madison, an online dating service that caters to married people who want to have affairs. He wanted to discover reasons why married women put up a profile to meet men. What he discovered was actually more of a valuable love lesson for himself. He polled 250+ women and reached an important understanding. As his own wife become emotionally reactive to his project he gained insight that his cheating behavior, although done in research, is basically effort being put forth into seducing women for the sake of the chase and excitement. His wife stated she was more hurt than angry that he put in so much time and effort to take these women out to lunch for no particular reason and asked him when was the last time he did that for her. His insight brought to his attention and resonated with him, that when adulterous men are found out, there are many women that can get past the sex act itself, but the real problem is where his EFFORT had been going. The wining and dining at romantic restaurants, laughter, gifts, spontaneity, passion and sex that people give to other people outside their relationship translates for those they are with that they are not worth the EFFORT. This blow to a woman’s self-esteem and self-worth is terminal to any marriage or relationship. This complacency in men is not intentional but due to the neglect women can feel taken for granted and sometimes another man can make her feel appreciated. Men in marriages and established relationships need to remember that women are women FIRST and foremost. And wives and mothers second. If you stop bringing home the passion and effort and stop treating your wife as a desired woman, you shouldn’t be surprised when she feels the need to fill her needs elsewhere. Same goes with women. Equal opportunity here.
Let’s face it after we’ve been with the same partner for “X” amount of years things can get a little stale and we all can get a bit set in our ways when it comes to taking care of everyday details of life. Sometimes it’s just too much work to regain that spark of a feeling with the one you love. But with a stranger, that’s a different story. There’s a different kind of energy that goes into making a new relationship hot and interesting. It doesn’t have to be that way. In Couples Counseling I help people regroup and find that missing element that they think they’ll feel with someone else. Yes it can be exciting to experience different people and see how you are with them, but you can experience that same behavior with the one you love acquiring new tools and ways to communicate with each other outside of what you’ve learned during your time together. Exploring new ways to share thoughts, feelings and what turns you on can change the dynamics in how you relate to one another outside of your business/roommate partnership holding down the household and managing your everyday routine. Many Couples find the process of counseling quite helpful and beneficial when done effectively. Let me help you reconstruct your relationship with sensible guidance to the moving forward of a new found way of enjoying each other. Call me at (858) 735-1139 if you want more information on how to continue to make concerted effort and investment in each other, and in yourself, so you don’t stop bringing the passion into your relationship.