How To Talk About Sex With Your Partner. Most people received their first conversation about sex in public school by a Sex Ed. teacher. And that most likely wasn’t very helpful as they showed us charts of the male and female reproductive systems while making it all sound so technical. Then after the class our classmates would share what they know about sex and maybe even bring out some pornographic magazines for visual aid. Then our parents would try and give us the “sex talk” and that information was probably minimal at best. And for many people, that was the first and last time they had a sit-down conversation about sex. So we all know how babies are made. But do you know how to make the sex between you and your loved one hot and heavy and keep that passion ongoing for the duration of your relationship?
As a Marriage Counselor I work with Couples who have been married for years and barely ever talk about what they like and don’t like in bed. Depending on how you were raised talking about sex could have been normalized, awkward or negatively reinforcement. Talking about our sexual desire, needs, feelings and fantasies with our partner is healthy and necessary as the conversation develops a deeper level of intimacy or emotional connection which leads to a more fulfilling sex life. For some it may be difficult and embarrassing to talk about sex but it doesn’t have to be. As a Couples Counselor here is what is incorporated in developing a conversation about what you want from your sex life:
- Have an open Dialogue with your partner.
- Share your thoughts and feelings about the fact you’re even having a discussion about the subject.
- Write down your thoughts if you have to.
- Be honest.
- Share your fantasies. You don’t necessarily have to act them out.
- Get educated if you don’t know exactly what you want or like or if your relationship could benefit from new ideas. Reading books, watching a DVD (porn can help).
- Be specific as what works for one person may not feel good to another. Ask your partner what he/she likes and be clear about what feels good to you.
- Don’t have the sex talk while having sex or immediately after but during a scheduled time where you set the framework for the conversation.
- Use Humor to diffuse any embarrassment. Laughter is just one more way to build intimacy and draw couples closer together.
- Normalize sex talk and be comfortable with your body.
If you want the sex between you and your partner to be more in line with what you’ve been fantasizing about try utilizing the the tips for how to talk about sex. In Marriage Counseling the first step to getting the sex you want is to start with a dialogue about what sex means to you and what you want more of. Call me at (858) 735-1139 if you want to start the sex talk.