Affairs Can Keep You In Your Marriage. I know, this sounds strange, and even evil to some people. There are so many reasons for starting an affair. People don’t start affairs because they hate their partners. In fact, individuals in affairs still love their husband or wife. Being in a long-term marriage, especially if you married quite young, can be a challenge when it comes to keeping the relationship alive and exciting. As a Marriage Counselor, specializing in Affair Recovery, I believe all needs cannot be met by one person within a relationship. I understand when a commitment to be monogamous has been made it is important to keep that promise. Most wedding vows include the monogamy piece about being faithful to each other above all others. I believe monogamy is a choice and is taken seriously. Long-term marriages can become challenging in sustaining that feeling we all want. To feel alive, be noticed, validated, seen and heard.
Affairs Can Keep You In Your Marriage
I am working with a woman who has been married for 15 years with two children ages 17 and 13. She immigrated to this Country to provide a better life for her children. She claims her husband is a very good man but does not have intimate feelings for him. She has been a good wife and mother, and contributes to the household financially with her job. She turned 41 last year and wants a life that is more fulfilling. She believes she married her husband because her family thought they’d make a good fit. He is a good provider and is fine with decisions she makes within the household. Sounds like a dream, right? Not if you’re not happy with the decisions you’ve made because of family/peer pressure.
She wants to allow herself to feel the emotional intimacy that intimate couples feel. She found just that with a co-worker she’s known for several years. They began as mentor and mentee. She was a naive woman new to America. This man was more experienced and knowledgeable with work and the American culture. She was fond of him and appreciated his attention. She was drawn to him because he made her feel alive and desired. Her husband is a complacent man. She states he has little ambition and is content with where they are in their marriage. The marriage consist of taking care of household responsibilities and care for their children. She does not want a divorce and says she will never ask for one. She feels guilty, but at the same time wants to honor her feelings. She’s in a struggle between what she should do and what she wants.
This woman is developing a sense of self. Individuating and differentiating from the family that raised her into a person who has wants of their own. Counseling is a space to share her thoughts and feelings and continue to get the insight needed to make the right decision for herself. There is no judgement or criticism in counseling just a venue to ponder thoughts and get some guidance.
She doesn’t know where this road will lead her. But for now she feels grounded with how she feels. She is taking the time to understand herself and what she needs to move forward. Life isn’t easy and when you’ve entered into a relationship that isn’t working it makes life even more difficult.
If you need to talk to someone counseling is a safe place to share those conversations. Please contact me at (858) 735-1139 or visit my website CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com
