Anthony Weiner – When To Call It Quits On Cheating a Husband. With the latest news about Anthony Weiner’s recent sexting scandal it doesn’t surprise me how bad behavior continues to receive a “get out a jail” free card from women who seem to tolerate it. Nobody knows how much wives love their husbands like I do. As a Marriage Counselor working with couples for over 22 years I’ve heard all the reasons why wives want to remain in their marriages. There’s the religion reason, “I’m Catholic and don’t believe in divorce,” “I have to stay for the children,” “I don’t want to break up the family,” and of course, “I love him!” There are other reasons too, fear of abandonment, don’t want to be alone, emotional attachment, co-dependency, etc. As a Couples Counselor I help women explore what the real reason may be and work with what they need to do with that answer. Anthony Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin may or may not have been exploring that quest but now has chosen to act upon this chronic bad behavior by stating she is leaving the marriage. No one should stay in a relationship that isn’t good for them. Especially when there are children. Staying together for the children when the relationship is not healthy is an excuse women need to analyze and change as some children tend to replicate this dysfunctional dynamic. Knowing the hurt of having been cheated on by your husband spare your son or daughter that angst by not tolerating that bad behavior from their father. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I’ve seen what role modeling tolerating cheating husband behavior can do to children as the cycle can repeat itself in their own relationships.
I understand wanting to give your husband a second chance. Apparently Anthony Weiner’s wife did just that back in 2011. That second chance cost the family a great deal including his public office career and family’s reputation.
As a Marriage Counselor I understand women wanting to save their marriages. If you choose to give your husband another chance ensure there is follow through with the following recommendations:
1. Have a dialogue about what seems to be the problem and have your husband explain without becoming defensive.
2. Observe to hear him take responsibility for his problem and not blame others or make excuses.
3. Counseling for Affair Recovery with an Affair Recovery Specialist should be consulted to have an assessment made to sort out the problem areas for either moving forward or separating preparing for possible divorce.
4. Consultation for possible sex addiction through Individual Counseling will be needed without any pushback by your husband.
5. Your husband must provide Transparency with his whereabouts and all modes of communication devices to you if you want/need to view his activity (phone, computer, ipad, etc)
6. Couples Counseling attendance on a consistent basis where changed behavior is exercised and insight is shared in and out of the counseling venue.
7. Zero Tolerance for future similar incidents.
8. Consult with a Divorce Attorney to know your options for worse case scenario.
When undergoing the recovery process learn to trust your intuition. Being able to trust your own inner voice and instincts is how to heal the trust in your relationship. If you can trust your own inner guidance system you will always know whether or not your partner is being real with you or lying. It’s difficult to discern the difference between intuition and fear. Try not to confuse the two. Ask yourself when you think you know something, “Is this my fear or my intuition?” Fear = can’t trust; Intuition = can trust
So, when you need to know when it’s time to call it quits on your cheating husband observe whether or not he’s exercising consistent changed behavior and listen to your inner voice and intuition when you see old behavior starting to creep back into place.
For more information or help with leaving a bad situation sooner rather than later contact at (858) 735-1139.