Asking Your Husband For A Divorce. An old acquaintance found me on Facebook and it took me back 26 years. Talk about a step back in time. She asked about my then husband and how he was doing as he had experienced some legal problems and had gone through a difficult period of time back then. As I reminisced about those years I remember the good and the hard times. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I am able to empathize and sympathize with my Couples as I have walked through their shoes. I, too, have experienced the trials and tribulations, as well as the elation that marriage can bring to the table. I know what it feels like to love your husband, but not be “in love” with him. I was married to my first husband for 9 years. We met in high school when I was 15 1/2 years old. My Chemistry partner introduced us. I had seen him before at a social function. He asked my Chemistry partner if he could become my partner and she agreed. He was 16 1/2 years old and was on the Football team. I later became a Cheerleader and the rest they say is history. For 7 years we were together. We were each other’s first for most everything including sex. We grew up together and learned much of what life was all about.
As we aged into adults and did what our parents told us to do we eventually got married and started a family. Prior to that we went to college, started a business, Individuated into the Individuals we were going to become, and Differentiated into the Separate people we were suppose to be. As that was happening we were acquiring what many young couples wanted and success was just another word. But what about happiness? I thought I was happy. But I didn’t quite feel it. I had everything I wanted and felt lonely and angry most of the time.
In relationships two people that start off as one eventually start to separate. Sometimes the process of becoming more separate or Differentiating becomes very taxing for the individual separating as he/she only has enough energy to concentrate on himself/herself. As I was concentrating on Me versus Us a stronger Sense of Self was emerging and everything I knew about what I wanted versus what I thought I wanted came to a screaming halt. I took inventory of my life and reevaluated what I wanted. I was able to distinguish between loving someone and being “in love” with someone. I had fond feelings for my husband as we grew up together and helped each other differentiate. He is a highly intelligent and generous man. I know now I had not been the Individual I needed to be to make an informed decision about love and relationships to select a life partner. Although we have a beautiful and intelligent daughter together I do not regret anything from the past as the past makes us who we are today. I asked my daughter’s father for a divorce because I wanted him to be loved my someone who would love him the way a wife should love a husband. And for me to feel the same emotional intimacy.
If you would like more information about emotional connection and loving your husband opposed to being “in love” with your husband please call me at (858) 735-1139.