Asperger Husband – Tips To Stay Married
“From early childhood, people with Asperger’s syndrome are less likely to recognize and understand thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of other people in order to make sense of their behavior,” writes Tony Attwood. My husband is happy to do any job which needs doing. He runs errands, does household chores, repairs anything broken, assists our children or dog after an accident or brief illness. But when I slipped during a hike and fell to the ground and scrapped my knee, all he did was look at me and said, “you’d better get an alcohol wipe and band aid up that cut.” He made no attempt to comfort or help me.” I thought he was insensitive because if he was the one who got hurt I’d be showing him some empathy saying, “that scrape looked like it hurt.” There’s another time our dog got bit by a rattlesnake and the Vet said he might not make it. I cried like a baby in the examining room. My husband just sat there and looked at me. Didn’t come toward me to comfort me. I vividly remember shaking and hyperventilating I was crying so hard. Thank goodness my dog made it, but that was a most disturbing memory. He showed he cared by paying the $5,000 hospital bill. Again, as generous as that was, I could have used a hug and a kiss. Asperger Husband – Tips To Stay Married.
As a certified Neurodiverse Couples Counselor I work with Asperger husband (AS)/Neurotypical wife (NT) couples. My role is to be an AS/NT translator, with the goal of helping both partners understand the world as seen through a Neurodiverse Lens. Conventional marriage counseling is ineffective as there are specific tools to help neurodiverse couples understand one another.
Tips to help stay married to an Asperger husband:
- Pursue a diagnosis; even if the diagnosis is not formal
- Understand how AS impacts the individual
- Manage depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
- Self-exploration and self-awareness
- Create a Relationship Schedule
- Meet each other’s sexual needs
- Bridge parallel play
- Cope with sensory overload and meltdowns
- Expand Theory of Mind – limited ability to “read” another person’s thoughts, feelings, or intentions
- Improve communication
- Manage expectations and suspending judgment
- Co-parenting strategies;
Asperger Husband – Tips To Stay Married
A skilled counselor, can help implement the suggested tips to able to gain awareness of the AS and NT’s own individual patterns of behavior, and learn how they can make both attitudinal and behavioral adjustments to become more relational with one another. A counselor can also facilitate conversations, and help both partners learn to be more relational. With acquiring tools for better communication, implementing a process utilizing the tools, and putting a system in place the couple will be able to connect emotionally, and problem-solve around sensory integration issues, meltdowns, and co-morbid conditions such as anxiety and depression.
Being in a neurodiverse relationship myself, I know first hand how difficult it can be to get the life you want given the situation at hand. Nothing changes if nothing changes. With any challenge if changes aren’t made to adjust and manage them there is poor prognosis for a long and happy life together.
For more information on managing your neurodiverse relationship, understanding Asperger’s and how it plays out in a relationship, or managing Cassandra Syndrome please contact me at (858) 735-1139 or go to my website at CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com
