Asperger Love Languages

Asperger Love Languages. According to Gary Chapman there are five love languages that people speak to enhance their emotional connection to one another. They include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. As a Neurodiverse Couples Counselor/Coach, I work with Asperger husband AS and Neurotypical wife NT couples through a neurological lens as each processes information differently.

Asperger Love Languages

Parallel play

  • people being alone together; doing things in parallel or side by side
  • both (AS & NT) partners reading their own books in the same room
  • one partner can be doing a puzzle while the another plays a video game
  • existing together doing different activities

Unusual gifts

  • unconventional gift giving
  • sharing things that are valuable or interesting to the AS partner to the NT partner as a sign of affection
  • giving something you know they are interested in
  • quirky; strange; odd (has meaning to the AS partner)



Info dump

  • talking about their interests or passion and sharing that information, usually in detail and at length

Bear hugs

  • sensory seeking
  • some need the pressure to manage anxiety


  • masking is any attempt or strategy “to hide their disability”
  • unmasking is where they show their true selves
  • not hiding aspects of themselves or pretending to be like someone else



Helping without words

  • rather than ‘say’ they ‘do’
  • action oriented

Speaking each other’s love language is key to feeling emotionally connected to your partner. As a neurodiverse couples counselor, I work with my couples through a neurodiverse lens. I act as translator because often times what is said or what has been expressed behaviorally can be misunderstood creating a range of emotions for both the AS and NT partner.

Through the counseling/coaching process a love language is determined. Love languages are different for everyone so it is important to identify and express behaviorally the intent of that love language.

Speaking each other’s love language can make all the difference in deepening an emotional connection. In my own marriage, my Asperger husband and I do just that. Along, with Chapman’s five love languages, asperger love languages can do the same.

For more information please contact me at (858) 735-113 or visit my website



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