My Neurodiverse Marriage – 2. My neurodiverse marriage 1. Like I shared in my first article, neurodiverse marriages which I still refer to as Asperger Marriages, (describes a higher level of functioning on the Autism Spectrum), have their good and bad days. Unlike other couples, neurodiverse couples can range from good enough to amazing to never good enough and “I want a divorce.” Some couples can be emotionally reactive and go days not talking to each other. I prefer to pause and not act out my hurt and disappointment. I try to be responsive in recognizing what I’m feeling and share what bothers me about my husband’s shortcomings. My neurodiverse marriage is successful as we put in the hard work of utilizing the daily and weekly tools to effectively communicate and emotionally connect.
My Neurodiverse Marriage – 2
It took me years to manage my Cassandra Syndrome, aka Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Disorder. And traumatic relationship disorder it is. Cassandra Syndrome is the Neurotypical’s (NT wife’s) experience of emotional suffering that results from distressing interpersonal relations with their Asperger husband (AS) who does not understand, empathize with or validates the NT’s pain and sorrow.
My ASD husband and I try very hard to make sure our communication is direct and say what we mean without expecting minds to be read. It doesn’t diminish requests if you ask for them directly. On the contrary, if you don’t ask for what you need and want you mostly likely won’t get it. If you need clarity and you don’t ask for it, you will continue to be confused.
We use a tool that is extremely helpful. Its goal is to help with initiating conversation, sharing of thoughts and feelings, and asking for what you need and want. The structured tool has questions you ask one another and the answers help with not only feeling emotionally connected, but getting clarity in what is needed for efficiency throughout your week and communication where both understanding what is required of them.
When my husband and I use this tool weekly, it’s called The Weekly Inventory, we stay on track and limit what can come up as ugly challenges that create hurt feelings for both of us. The tool helps develop a momentum where each week’s follow through helps develop and maintain trust. When you can feel safe in talking to one another, communication is so much easier to maintain.
There are many other tools my husband and I utilize. I will being sharing more at the next article.
For more information about your neurodiverse marriage and Asperger Husband, please contact me at CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com or (858)