Cassandra Recovery. If you’re married to a man on the Autism Spectrum (has Asperger’s) the lack of adequate psychological nurturance from him feels like a form of emotional neglect. Being unable to engage in your feelings and his own make for a lack of emotional intimacy. As a result of his mind blindness you tend to feel more like roommates than romantic intimates as communication tends to be more transactional than relational.
Neurotypical wives who chronically feel affection-deprived may exhibit the following symptoms:
- Feel a loss of sense of self
- Feel like they are going crazy
- Are more lonely
- Can feel empty inside
- Are frustrated, resentful, angry; feel guilt
- Feel rejected
- More likely to experience depression, anxiety and fatigue
- Have low self-esteem
- Thinks there is something wrong with themselves
- Have difficulty to find ways to “self-soothe”
- Have social problems
- Feel like they are doing all the work in the relationship
- Tend to yell at their husband and other family members
- Tend to self-medicate with alcohol
- Not sleep well
I’ve been married to my Asperger husband for over 20 years. For years I thought I was losing my mind, as well as my sense of self. I kept telling myself I was a licensed clinician trained to study human behavior and interpersonal relationships. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I started to see couples in my practice suffering from the same disconnectedness. I had empathy, as well as compassion for the “Neurotypical” wife. I related to what these women were saying.
Recovery from Cassandra starts with accepting the fact that your Asperger husband is not going to meet your emotional needs to the extent that you need him to. Developing an independent life outside of the interdependent relationship (marriage) is key to moving forward.
Managing Cassandra can include:
- Self-love and self-care
- Identify own needs and take steps to get them
- Develop a support system to include friends and people with your same interests
- Develop a hobby or volunteer
- Make a list of things that make you happy and do/get them
- Understand that recovery is an ongoing process and doesn’t happen overnight
- Cognitive – Behavioral Therapy can help if you choose counseling
For more information about my services and fees please text me at (858) 735-1139 with your email address.