My Neurodiverse Marriage – 4 Managing Cassandra. Last week I shared I had a difficult and challenging week with my Aspie husband. He has been preoccupied with some estate planning and has been MIA for most of that week. We are like ships that pass in the night. He eats, drinks, and sleeps this preoccupation with things he has to take care of. Although I have lots to do during the week, I still want time with my husband. As I’ve shared in past blogs, it’s essential to have an independent life outside your marriage. A happy marriage is one where there is independence in an interdependent partnership. I have been working on developing a stronger sense of self so “acting out” emotions about feeling lonely, bored, frustrated or resentful are few and far between. My husband appreciates that.
My Neurodiverse Marriage – 4 Managing Cassandra
My husband has been out of town for the past five days. I thought this was going to trigger me (abandonment issues), but it didn’t. Actually the day he was leaving his ASD thing was irritating me. I snipped at him and asked, “when are you leaving?” My tone wasn’t nice and I apologized. I realized I was losing energy to do the neurodiverse thing.
While he was away I noticed I started feeling better with newfound energy. I tend to get alot of work done when he is out of the house. Just me and my dog. I slept better and woke up more refreshed. As much as I liked this, I did miss my husband. We prefer to text rather than talk on the phone as talking voice to voice brings about the ASD thing. lol
I place humor when I share because I can’t take things seriously anymore. We are who we are and we aren’t going to change. Meaning my neurotypical self is just that and his neurodivergent self is just that. I believe he was recharged being away from me, as well. Time away from each other is healthy in any marriage, but more so in a neurodiverse marriage. Recharge means something to the brain of someone on the spectrum.
Absence makes the heart grow more fonder. Meaning when people we love are not with us, we love them even more. With neurodiverse couples I recommend they carve out time to be together and carve out time to be away from each other too. May sound counterintuitive but it certainly works to their benefit.
For more information about neurodiverse marriages give me a ring at (858) 735-1139 or visit my website at CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com