The Difference Between Good Sex and Hot Sex. Are you happy with your sex life? If you’ve been married for many years or are in a long-term relationship sex can become routine and even boring. Worse yet “vanilla” sex is not very fun. Sure you get off (climax), but you can do that through masturbation. As a Marriage Counselor, I speak with couples who want to revive a sex life that has “flat-lined.” Somewhere between paying the bills, raising the kids, and maintaining the household, sex gets placed at the bottom of one’s to-do list when at one time it was the highlight of a couple’s day. “I’m just too tired,” “my libido is down,” and “I’m not feeling an emotional connection,” are some of the things couples say in Couples Counseling. However, as an Infidelity and Affair Recovery Specialist, I see people who have gone to great lengths to make the time to engage in affairs despite the busyness of life. The reasons they provide in justifying their behavior is the novelty of the newness of the relationship makes the sex exciting.
As a Marriage Counselor, incorporating that notion into treatment helps initiate dialogue as to what would make sex more interesting. Talking about individual fantasies, whether they act them out or not, makes for a great aphrodisiac. The process frees oneself to be expressive which involves a certain amount of risk-taking which makes one vulnerable enough to create the emotional connectedness needed for intimacy.
Sometimes talking about opening up a marriage can be intimidating and threatening, however, the discussion around the topic can lead to erotic fantasies and make for hot sex. Talking dirty to one another during texting, also known as “sexting,” can also be a way to stimulate the imagination and creates arousal. The anticipation of having steamy sex with your partner fuels the imagination making the actual event worthwhile and satisfying. Talking dirty has always been a way to make sex even hotter. I know, some people are shy or ashamed to do that. But then, they probably aren’t having great sex. Most likely they want to be shouting out profanities but their “hang-ups” about sex keeps them from letting go, and so they just have to settle for “mediocre to good” sex.
As a Marriage Counselor, I receive some reservations to these types of recommendations as some people’s upbringing didn’t normalize a healthy sexual appetite. Religion and how your parents talked about sex can make or break the subject for some people and either shame-based it or celebrated it as an act of giving and receiving pleasure. Between consenting adults and placing safety in practice who wouldn’t want to receive pleasure?! Hot sex is all about how you feel about sex and knowing how to ask for it. It helps to know what feels good to oneself, as well.
For more information on making your love life come alive call me at (858) 735-1139.
