Do You Have Sexual Intelligence? There’s a difference between knowing how to have sex and having intelligence about sex. Some people don’t understand either. As a Marriage Counselor, my couples want sex to be natural and spontaneous. All the planets have to align before wanting to engage in sex. Many don’t care for the idea of having to schedule in sex and put in the effort into creating an atmosphere for adult sex so they retreat into what could be considered adolescent sex; having affairs, participating in internet chats, excessive pornography, romance novels, and excessive masturbation. With sexual intelligence, it requires relearning to experience our sexuality. What is Sexual Intelligence? According to author Marty Klein, Sexual Intelligence is “Information + Emotional Skills + Body Awareness.”
He states:
- Sexual Intelligence is the ability to keep sex in perspective regardless of what happens during sex.
- To get more out of sex, we have to change. To change we need a different perspective. Sexual Intelligence is that perspective.
- Sexual Intelligence is useful in different ways at different times of our life: in our twenties, in exploring the sexual world; in our thirties, in bonding with a partner and establishing a sexual rhythm; in our forties, in tolerating and adapting to change; in our fifties, in saying goodbye to youthful sex, in our sixties and beyond, in creating a new sexual style.
Enjoyable sex isn’t about technique or a perfect or hard body. It isn’t about being passionately or hopelessly in love. Enjoyable sex is about having some kind of sexual intelligence. According to Dr. Klein, people want closeness and pleasure from sex yet they focus on and are preoccupied with how they look, what their partner is thinking about, how they are performing, and whether they’re normal. He states people do more thinking, worrying, and judging than “experiencing” while having sex. Who could possibly be feeling sexy with all that going on in our heads?
Sexual intelligence is what gets you from adolescent sex to adult sex. With sexual intelligence, you go from hormone-driven sex to the sex you choose. Understanding sex alleviates the need to feel validated through sex and where you learn to validate your own sexuality with that understanding. In Marriage Counseling, I help couples relax and enjoy sex with the body they have, the partner they have, and in the situation they have. I say the stars don’t have to be aligned and everything be perfect to have sex. With sexual intelligence comes an understanding of sex, love, romance, intimacy, and satisfaction. Of course, we want to pleasure our partner, but we want to receive pleasure too. To do that we have to work with what we already have. Our bodies can do what we want them to do. If not, we work with the challenges and have open communication about what needs to be adjusted to make sex more pleasurable or satisfying.
For more information on becoming more sexually intelligent contact me at (858) 735-1139.
