Don’t Get Married Until You Do This

Don’t Get Married Until You Do This.  People are so quick to find someone, fall in love, and live that “Happily Ever After” they neglect setting a healthy foundation for a happy life-long union. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by the age of 50. Almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation.  Research estimates that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce.  60 percent of second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce.  The divorce rate in the U.S. dropped 18% from 2008 to 2016, thanks to millennials.  Recent studies have shown that millennials are choosing to wait longer to get married and staying married longer and are the main driver in the decline of both the marriage and divorce rate in the US. However, the United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.

Whether this is your first, second or third marriage, young or old, whatever your cultural background or religious beliefs it is wise to invest in Premarital Counseling.  The average wedding cost in the United States for 2017 was $25,764. Couples, on average, spend between $19,323 and $32,205 but, 50% of couples spend less than $15,000 ( This doesn’t even include the cost of a honeymoon.

People spend so much money on weddings and get so wrapped up in the concept of marriage that, as a Marriage Counselor, I see these couples in my office between years 1 – 7 as they claim they need help with communication.

Some newly engaged couples don’t think they need Premarital Counseling because they are in love.  If you’re not Catholic going through a mandatory “engagement encounter,” you might not even know premarital counseling is available.

As a Marriage Counselor, I believe it is essential to understand what the expectation is for how the couple manages their finances, where they are to live, how much contact they will have with their in-laws, and how their children will be raised among other topics discussed in premarital counseling.

I didn’t receive premarital counseling in my first marriage as we dated for 7 years and thought it wasn’t necessary.  The problems that existed prior to marriage magnified during the marriage. Without communication skills, the power struggles continued and the relationship deteriorated.  The premarital counseling process helps the couple understand and articulate what they want from their relationship.  Individual issues can be identified and adjusted as individual issues affect relationship issues.  The individuals in premarital counseling gain a better understanding of what they want and can share them with each other to enhance the relationship.

Premarital counseling should be added to the wedding planning budget.  It is an investment that will last longer than anything else on the wedding planning checklist.

For more information please contact me at (858) 835-1139.




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