Dumped The Week Before Christmas. My Husband Left Me The Week Before Christmas. Talk about a hurt ego. I got married after I finished college. That was what I was supposed to do. I did the first-marriage route with all its trials and tribulations and had a beautiful daughter, which made all of it worth the journey. But unbeknownst to me at the time, I had married for the wrong reasons. My lack of a well developed sense of self made me an unhappy person. I believed my “wonderful” life was a facade for how it was “suppose” to look overlooking the feelings of my discontent. That discontent made me behave in ways that were not always appropriate, and often, unkind toward my first husband. My husband left me the week before Christmas because I was controlling and made everything into a power struggle. In December 1986 I had given my husband a 30th birthday party at one of San Diego’s finest hotels. A week later, I was blindsided, as I came home to a note on the garage door stating he was leaving me and needed space. I acted out my emotions of feeling abandoned, hurt, scared, and fear of loss of control. This very challenging situation was the impetus for making life changes. It was the worst time of my life but doing the work in counseling gave me a silver lining that changed the course of that life.
Dumped The Week Before Christmas
After months of therapy and self reflection, I realized I wanted to reconcile and try to move forward taking responsibility for my part in our relationship. In winning my husband back, I thought if I identified and exercised appropriate and more loving behavior, I would have the successful marriage I wanted.
Nine years later I was divorced and in the trenches of regaining and reestablishing the life I wanted.
Throughout that reconciliation I realized I never had the intimacy I needed for an emotional connection where I was vulnerable enough to ask for what I need and want, and share my thoughts and feelings. My “tough guy” attitude plus my husband’s narcissistic traits made for a poor prognosis for happily ever after. Happily ever after starts with a well developed sense of self.
With years of gathering information and getting the insight I needed I understand that a happy me makes for a happy we. In relationships we are individuals first. When two individuals come together they are independent in an interdependent relationship. Having a strong sense of self helps keep the boundaries in check as individual issues affect relationship issues. If the individual is happy (me), then the relationship benefits (we).
My book, Happy Me Happy We: Six Steps To Know Yourself So You Know What You Want In a Relationship helps individuals understand what they want and how to get it. Often when I ask my clients what they want, they say they don’t know. I’m not surprised to hear this. I’ve been in their shoes, thinking the same way. By using the six steps, you will find your me–first, before all else–so you don’t jump into finding we before you are ready. These steps empower you to understand what you need and go get it.
A healthy relationship can be yours. Bad relationships can transition into good relationships with the understanding that a Happy Me is a Happy We. I look for silver linings as reframing challenging situations is empowering.
For more information please contact at CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com of call at (858) 735-1139
My Husband Left Me The Week Before Christmas