Regaining Your Sex Life After An Affair

Regaining Your Sex Life After An Affair.  Erotic Recovery is what is referred to as regaining your sex life after an affair.

Is Erotic Recovery possible after an affair?  When infidelity hits home and that ultimate betrayal comes between the two of you who can possibly want to be close to your partner again emotionally let alone physically.  Despite the mixed emotions of wanting to have sex and not wanting to have sex, indulging in sex at this time can be due to the emotional distance the affair has put between the two of you triggering a new and more intense connection.  Many couples are embarrassed to talk about this increase in sexual activity that happens immediately in the aftermath of an affair.  They don’t want their partners to think they are forgiven or the affair is forgotten.  The affair is what makes the sex feel so intense now.  However, not wanting sex at this time is creating a wall between the two of you blocking any desire for any kind of intimacy.

Much therapy on infidelity focuses on trust and forgiveness, overlooking direct repair of the couple’s sexual relationship. Infidelity is an Erotic Injury to a relationship and must be repaired through a step by step erotic recovery process in order for a committed partnership to move forward.  An Erotic Injury means that the partner who has been cheated on experiences an undermining of erotic confidence because of the infidelity (Dr. Tammy Nelson author “The New Monogamy.”)  Sexual self-esteem questions like “Am I still attractive to my partner? or Do I still have what it takes to be in a sexual relationship?” come up and time is needed to regain confidence in the bedroom.  There are stages of erotic recovery to reintroduce sexual connection, reestablish erotic function and renew the relationship.   I help couples in Couples Counseling revive desire and create a new vision of Monogamy for those who choose to stay together after infidelity.

The process includes:

  1. Creating a weekly Sex Date.

  2. Focusing on Sensuality and Touch as the goal instead of Intercourse.

  3. Using nonverbal language to connect during sex.

  4. Appreciating what is working in your sex life rather than what is not working.

  5. Staying present during sex, not thinking about the past or the future.

A new monogamy vision includes a more conscious commitment where the couple creates a monogamy agreement that is renewable and flexible. This new vision of a stronger relationship creates a more sustainable monogamy and a more hopeful future where implicit betrayal moves into empathy and a more passionate, mature connection.  Exploring your erotic life together is a means of continuing to communicate and expand sharing your most authentic self and deepest desires.  Affair recovery when exercised successfully enables individuals to feel heard and seen in a way that they never have until now.  Call me at (858) 735-1139 to learn more about your erotic recovery.


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