Why An Ex Should Remain An Ex. When couples break up I believe they should exercise behavior indicative of people who are broken up. Some couples break up and continue to see each other for whatever reason. Dating is a lot like science in that trial and error are an essential part of the process. The outcome, however, isn’t always the hoped-for one. Breakups are a fact of life. We’ve all gone through them. Some were good some were bad. With social media there are so many ways to stay in contact utilizing texting and email. This kind of continued communication is referred to as a “soft breakup” as it says you don’t want to date but want to try and be friends. So reasons an ex should remain an ex and the danger about soft breakups are as follows:
1. Lingering ties come with big emotional risks: They facilitate on again, off again relationships even with a bad breakup that needed to end.
2. Hang on to hope: With electronic ties there is temptation to look backward. Social media enables exe’s to hang on to hope monitoring there every move while hindering their process to move forward in search for a more appropriate match.
3. Undermines new relationships: If you are continuing to see your ex there may be blurred boundaries that may undermine your current relationship where your new partner may have difficulty tolerating any inference of a prior romance.
4. Can fuel anxiety in a new partner: I have heard clients share their fears of being left for the ex who continues to casually communicate electronically as they feel their partner may be sharing things not shared with them.
5. Difficult to move forward when stuck in the past: We all like keeping our options open. But not giving up options makes it harder to commit to any particular option. It’s harder to develop a new relationship when we’re still stuck in the past one.
We all owe it to ourselves to find the right person to spend the better part of our lives with. When dating don’t settle for bad behavior. When you do make the decision to break it off ask yourself “what are your bottoms lines?” What are the things that you need in a partner and what are the things you won’t accept?” When you put good boundaries and limits in place it makes it easier to let go of those who aren’t good for us and allow for those who are.
For more information on how to move forward and leave your exe in the past so you make room for someone better to walk into your life please call me at (858) 735-1139.
