Expectations Of A Marriage Proposal On Valentine’s Day. Here it is, Valentine’s Day. You’ve been dating for over a “decent period” of time now. You know each other well enough and you know she wants you to take the next step. So what are you waiting for?!
As a Marriage Counselor, I see many couples shortly after Valentine’s Day. They come in for either pre-marital counseling because they just got engaged or they come in because the woman who has been dating her guy for this “decent period” of time didn’t get asked “the question” and there is a huge bump in the road. Couples come into counseling to talk about the reasons that prevent them from taking the next step and look at options including whether to stay or go.
When I was dating my second husband I was 39 years old and a single parent with a 9-year-old daughter. After 6 months we went to San Francisco for Valentine’s Day weekend. I naturally assumed this would be the time he would propose. As wonderful as the trip had been there was no proposal and I was a bit surprised. I contained my emotions but did communicate my disappointment as, again, I had thought we had gone through that “decent period” of time and knew we wanted to move our relationship to the next step. We had just moved in together after 6 months, both had been married once before, and being very practical I thought that moving forward in marriage was the next logical step.
After several discussions where we both shared our thoughts, feelings and any concerns, we acknowledged we did want to move forward and he did happily propose as he said he was planning on doing so in the next few months. We’ve been married now for 20 years.
Not all couples in this situation have a happy ending. If you are expecting a marriage proposal from your guy for all of your good reasons it would be good to have a dialogue about it with him sooner rather than later. When Valentine’s Day comes and goes and you don’t get that proposal you will most likely be consumed with a range of emotions. It would be inappropriate and not very attractive to “act out” those emotions as it can threaten the relationship.
If you are a man who knows your gal expects a marriage proposal and you are not ready or wanting to go to the next step, same recommendation. Have a dialogue with her about your feelings sooner rather than later. And, by the way, if you don’t ever intend on getting married please tell her. She deserves to know so she can make a thoughtful decision on whether or not she wants to continue to date you.
If any of you fall under either of these categories and need help during this period of time please contact me at (858) 735-1139. If you are in a relationship that has passed its expiration date and need help in knowing what to do next please do not hesitate to contact me.