What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse. Different people express love in different ways. Just because you may be a giver doesn’t mean your partner is. What one person appreciates another may not. When you go to a foreign country to effectively communicate it would be helpful to learn their language. The same is true when people join together and form a marriage/relationship/union. In my 20 years of providing marriage counseling I find it is helpful and beneficial to the relationship when couple can speak each other’s Love Language to enhance the connection between them. There are basically five love languages that people speak and understand emotional love. They include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Words of Affirmation: One way of expressing words of affirmation is by encourage words or giving verbal compliments. Using kind words in the way we speak. Humble words in that you make requests not demands. Remember words are important so the more positive things that come out of your mouth the better.
Quality Time: Giving your spouse undivided attention. When you’re at a restaurant it would be nice to talk to your spouse and not just eat and look at other people or pay attention to your cell phone. Quality time includes togetherness, quality conversation, learning to talk to one another, and sharing quality activities together.
Receiving Gifts: Gifts can be purchased, found, or even made. They don’t have too cost very much as it is the thought that counts. This can include an intangible gift such as the gift on self which speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand. Being there when your spouse needs you can speak loudly as physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if this is your primary love language.
Acts of Service: Are things you know you’re spouse would like you to do. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming the living room, taking out the garbage, changing the cat litter box, and walking the dog are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit they are expressions of love.
Physical Touch: Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and of course sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s partner. For some men having their wives make them a fabulous meal meant they were loved. But if physical touch was his primary love language that wife wouldn’t be benefiting as much as if she were to make love to him or give him a massage. Tactile sensation (touching) will resonate more with someone whose primary love language is physical touch.
Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse primary love language you will have discovered the key to a longer lasting and loving marriage. If we want our spouse to feel the love we are trying to communicate it is important to express it in his or her primary love language
Marriage Counseling will enable you to apply the right principles, learn the right language, and soon you’ll know the profound satisfaction and joy of being able to express your love and feel truly loved in return. Please contact me at (858) 735-1139 and you can start learning your spouse’s love language today.