Have Questions About Your Asperger Husband

Have Questions About Your Asperger Husband Do you have questions about your asperger husband? This is your opportunity to ask questions that could help you better understand and effectively communicate with your ASD spouse. Please feel free to submit your questions about your neurodiverse marriage and/or your Asperger Husband. My new book will be out in a few months and I would like to make sure these questions are answered. I can’t promise all the questions will be answered, but I’ll highlight the questions most asked.

Have Questions About Your Asperger Husband

If you’re married to someone who is kindhearted, generous, pretty easy going, and nice, while appearing inconsiderate, selfish, and distant at times, you may be married to someone on the autism spectrum. If you feel lonely, alone, frustrated, angry, and resentful in your marriage, you may be married to someone on the autism spectrum. If people you know and trust say your husband has quirky behavior, and can be offensive at times, you may be married to someone on the autism spectrum.

I’ve been working with neurodiverse couples as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years not realizing this population existed when little was known about Autism in adults aka Asperger’s now renamed Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have come to realize that about 1/3 of the couples I treated were most likely neurodiverse relationships. Neurodiverse couples are included in every race, creed, gender, etc. In fact, you may know some neurodiverse couples and not even know that they are neurodiverse. You may see them as quirkly, argumentative, aloof, not social, blunt, to name a few.

A neurodiverse couple consist of one or more partners on the Autism Spectrum. My work typically includes the Neurotypical wife (NT), and the Neurodivergent husband (ND) or also known as the Asperger Husband (AS). As my husband and I are a neurodiverse couple, I fondly refer to him as an “Aspie.”

Working with neurodiverse couples throughout the world, I get asked a lot of questions that I personally relate to. I share my stories and tools that help my husband and I maintain our emotional connection. We are much more relational than transactional these days as we put systems in place for effective communication and are explicit in asking for what you need and want.

My husband continues to learn about his developmental challenges and is involved in ongoing groups to help him regulate his emotions and become less closed and more forthcoming when communicating with me. Because I suffered from Cassandra Syndrome I was a scary person to be around as I was acting out my emotions inappropriately, where it bordered on verbal abuse. I wanted so much for my husband to come to me when he had something on his mind, but my scary reactive personality got in the way of what I wanted.  I, too, had to learn to regulate my emotions and become the wife he deserved. With the system I put in place, my husband doesn’t even remember the last time I lashed out on him.

The key is not to change your ASD spouse. One, because there’s nothing wrong with being on the spectrum, it’s a developmental disorder with its challenges and two, neurotypicals also have their challenges and we should embrace the differences that can make a neurodiverse marriage thrive.

Please email me your questions to Sarah@CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com

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