He Cheated “Should I Stay Or Go?” It’s devastating to discover your husband, the person you trust the most, has betrayed you. It’s surreal to sit there while he actually discloses the fact that he’s been seeing someone else. You sit there in astonishment not believing this is happening to YOU. Your initial reaction is to leave, but you think doing so is what he wants. You’re confused and feeling a range of emotions. You feel bad about yourself. Intellectually you know it’s not your fault. But, emotionally, you can’t help but feel bad about yourself. So, what do you do now? Well, certainly don’t panic. Try and regain some dignity of control. What you should not do is anything impulsive to make matters worse. Like telling your friends, telling the children, calling divorce attorneys, shaming your husband to your parent and in-laws, etc., Remain calm and find a counselor you can talk to and sort out your thoughts and feelings. The better you know what you want for yourself the better you will know what to do about your relationship. How do you decide to stay with or leave a partner you discover is cheating on you?
Get a clear understanding of what you want. There are three options to consider. Option 1 – status quo (do nothing), Option 2 – move forward in affair recovery, or Option 3 – move on (separate/divorce). As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I don’t believe you can select Option 3 without entering into Option 2 – Moving forward with a plan that outlines what is needed to do that. You can make an informed decision opting for Option 2 for either staying or leaving the relationship.
To regain intimacy after infidelity both partners must be willing to work through deep hurt, disappointment, rage, and other negative feelings. The single most important factor to regain intimacy is for the affair partner to show ongoing empathy to the hurt partner where the hurt partner learns to manage acting out behaviors of overwhelm to give positive reinforcement to that empathy. Intimacy isn’t just sex. Intimacy is emotional connection. Intimacy is what keeps a couple from feeling like roommates.
There is no shame in remaining together. Every couple is different with their own set of circumstances. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t base a decision to stay in your marriage as a stigma to be judged. It’s no one’s business whether you stay or go. Hence the recommendation not to tell the world about his/her affair.
Call me at (858) 735-1139. I’ll take you through affair recovery where you both get the results you want.