How I Survive the Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage. The holidays have always been tricky in my marriage. My husband has ASD, and what feels “normal” to others—a crowded dinner, long family visits, bright lights, constant chatter—can be completely overwhelming for him. Early on, I often felt drained, frustrated, and worried we were missing out on what should be joyful moments. Over the years, we’ve developed strategies that help us navigate the season together.
How I Survive the Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage
One of the first things I learned was the importance of planning ahead. We talk through every holiday event well in advance: who we’ll see, how long we’ll stay, and what might feel too much. This simple step prevents last-minute stress and misunderstandings.
I also became aware of sensory triggers. Crowded rooms, loud music, and glittering decorations that everyone else loves can be overwhelming. Now, we carve out quiet moments—sometimes stepping outside for a few minutes, sometimes retreating to a calm corner. These small breaks make a huge difference.
Saying “no” became a tool of self-preservation. I used to feel guilty skipping gatherings, but now we prioritize events that truly matter to us and give ourselves permission to skip the rest. It saves our energy and preserves our connection.
We use signals and scripts too. A gentle tap on the wrist can mean “I need a break,” and a simple phrase helps explain boundaries politely to relatives. These small tools prevent tension and misunderstandings.
How I Survive the Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage
Most importantly, we rely on the Check-In Tool from my book, The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage. During gatherings, we pause for a quick check-in: sharing how we feel, what we need, and what’s working (or not). It’s a simple but powerful way to prevent small frustrations from turning into big conflicts and to stay emotionally connected even in stressful moments.
Finally, I remind myself: it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. Connection matters more than perfection. With patience, communication, and the Check-In Tool, we’ve learned to celebrate the holidays in a way that honors both of our needs—and sometimes, we even manage to enjoy them.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. Good enough is what I strive for. Text me your email address for more information about my services and fees. (858) 735-1139
