How To Leave A Bad Relationship. Relationships don’t have to be bad to end. As a marriage counselor, I say if your relationship isn’t working for you make a change that starts with you. Waiting for your partner to make a change isn’t likely to happen, especially if they don’t think anything is wrong. If you’ve been tolerating bad behavior….stop. The first step in making changes is to ask for it. To do that you must ask for a behavioral change.
Couple in a bad relationship
Steps for asking for behavioral change:
- Tell your partner you don’t appreciate him yelling and calling you names (verbal abuse)
- Tell him you are asking for a behavioral change.
- Ask him to please stop yelling and calling me names.
- Give your partner the opportunity to make the necessary adjustments.
- Give her time to demonstrate either her ability or incapability in making the adjustments (2 mos)
- If change isn’t happening determine whether there is a “can’t” or “won’t” factor.
- If it’s a “can’t” there could be psychological challenges hindering the change.
- If it’s a “won’t” it could be code for “I don’t want to.”
- Both present as problems so getting professional help can identify what it is.
In loving and respectful relationships behavioral changes can happen. It’s important to set limits for yourself so you don’t continue to tolerate the abuse. Meaning, if you say you are not going to tolerate ill behavior, you will leave the room and give yourself and your partner a time-out. You will reconvene and have a discussion that the bad behavior is not acceptable. A loving and rational partner will apologize and admit his behavior was inappropriate. You thank him and all is well. If this is not the case, you will continue to observe behavior to indicate whether this relationship is working for you.
If you are having difficulty leaving when you know it’s what you need and want to do there could be some personal issue keeping you from doing it. Contact me at (858) 735-1139 and I can help assess what psychological challenges are hindering a reasonable decision.