Infidelity In The Time Of Coronavirus. With social distancing and being semi-quarantined to our homes it’s harder than ever to physically meet up with people with whom to cheat. According to the New York Post, Ashley Madison, a dating site that encourages people to have affairs is seeing a surge in users. Some are just looking to chat with someone other than their spouse, some are seeking emotional validation or the fantasy of pursuing a secret sex life. As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I haven’t seen an increase in people having affairs as much as I see a constant. People who want to cheat will cheat. People have affairs for many different reasons. Men and women have affairs even if they are in happy relationships. I don’t condone this, but I don’t judge or criticize either. Affairs enable a person to feel a sense of aliveness. The newness of any new thing is exciting. And like all new things that become normalized so do those new relationships. Normalization includes whatever they were trying to escape from in their primary relationship.
Popular pet peeves of couples engaging affairs during quarantine based on 2,047 respondents:
58% “They have not initiated any sexual intimacy”
28% “They are glued to their device”
19% “They are rude, moody, and/or constantly picking fights with me”
18% “They never give me any space or time to myself”
15% “they are messy and I’m constantly cleaning up after them”
Biggest benefit of an affair during isolation:
34% It’s something to look forward to
23% It’s a great distraction
14% I have someone to talk to
13% I can maintain some normalcy
10% It keeps my libido up
Members were asked if they’re trying to spice up their sex life with their spouses while socially distancing. 76% of respondents said no. As an Affair Recovery Specialist, a remedy for couples who have difficulty with monogamy is developing a New Monogamy. A new monogamy agreement is designed with both partners’ input.
Just like love in the time of coronavirus, infidelity in the time of coronavirus is an opportunity to think about what you want in life moving forward. If the last 9 weeks have been unhappy being isolated at home do something about it. As a Marriage Counselor, I see some couples who have become closer due to the proximity of time and space. For others, that time and space adds to their unhappiness. A woman I’m working with said her husband doesn’t interact with her at all. She said it feels lonely while being in her relationship. She also said she’s taking this time to reassess her marriage as status quo is no longer wanted.
Rather than say, “life is short, have an affair,” how about saying “live is too short to live in a relationship that isn’t working for me.” Pick either option 1 – keep status quo, option 2 – move forward with an action plan, or option 3 – move on and find another life that best suits you.
If reassessing your relationship because of infidelity is something you know you want to do please contact me at (858) 735-1139.
Decide what your “new normal” is going to look like.