Inside My Neurodiverse Marriage. How I Use the 6 Tools From My Book in My Own Neurodiverse Marriage
During the first 13 years of my 26-year marriage, there was so much miscommunication and disconnect—we didn’t think we’d make it. I loved my husband deeply, but we spoke different emotional languages. Once we realized our marriage was neurodiverse, everything began to shift.
Inside My Neurodiverse Marriage
The tools in The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage are not just professional strategies—I use them in my own life. Here’s how these six tools help us stay connected and understood:
1. Weekly Check-Ins
We set aside time each Sunday to share what worked, what didn’t, and what we each need more of. It’s structured and brief—but it makes a big difference.
2. REV: Reflective Listen, Show Empathy, Validate
Instead of reacting, we now reflect. If he’s stressed, I might say, “You felt overwhelmed when the plans changed. That makes sense.” Just being heard helps us both regulate and reconnect.
3. Scales: A Framework From 1 to 10
We use 1 to 10 scales to quickly express our energy, overwhelm, or mood. If I say I’m at a “3,” he knows I need rest—not a deep conversation.
4. The Feedback Wheel
This tool gives us a script to express hard things without attacking each other: “What I saw… what I made it mean… how I felt… what I need.”
5. Date Night Prompts
Intentional prompts help us get beyond logistics and talk about dreams, memories, and values. It keeps us emotionally close.
6. 20 Questions to Unlock Intimacy
We revisit these questions often to explore our inner worlds. It’s amazing what comes up—even after decades together.
Using these tools has deepened our respect, improved our communication, and brought more ease into our relationship. They work—because they’re built for neurodiverse couples, by someone who lives it daily.
Ready to use these tools in your own relationship?
Grab your copy of The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage and start building a bridge toward connection. Coaching sessions available—learn more here.
