Mother’s Day As A Single Mom. As I was the one who asked my husband for a divorce I became a single mom in 1991. Divorce is never a happy experience. Even when you are the one who wanted the divorce. There were mixed emotions when deriving at that decision. Included in mine were feelings of love for my “ex” as a person and father of my child, but not “in love” feelings, guilt for breaking up the family, and fear as I was becoming a single parent. In my family there was a degree of shame that came along with my decision. My parents couldn’t even tell extended family members I was divorced for two years. When we were at family parties when asked where was my husband they would respond “oh, he’s working.” Of course I felt terrible and brushed it off as that was their problem and tried to not make it mine.
During this period of my life I had to adjust to doing “life” without anyone taking care of me anymore. My father was the first person to step in that role then my husband. Although I was viewed as quite an independent and strong person I felt scared to be on my own and with a with a 3 year-old daughter to boot. The first time I pumped gas into my car as a single mom I felt so liberated and free. I was pampered for most of my life and small things like getting my car washed, oil changes, and gas filled were primarily the job of the men in my life. I exercised learned helplessness in those days and I don’t recommend it. It debilitates you and made me feel bad about myself. I was an angry person in those days as I knew there was something I wanted and needed to do but was so busy getting other people’s needs met I neglected ME.
So during the next 7 years of my single mom life I got to work. Let me share with you now it wasn’t easy but definitely worth the journey. My daughter who is 26 years old has given me the gift of feedback that validates my efforts in making our lives work for us all today. The process was one that I encourage anyone to take who believes they want more from their relationship to validate your own beliefs about how you want to live your life and role model for your children what that looks like.
For more information about needing to make changes in your life or adjust what’s not currently working please contact me at (858) 735-1139.