Neurodiverse Marriages Can Work. Life never ceases to amaze me. Growing older and wiser I am still in awe of couples who are able to manage the highs and lows of marriage. Marriage isn’t easy. There’s ongoing hard work needed to manage the worst of times and thrive in the best of times. When you’re in a neurodiverse marriage there are even more challenges to manage than traditional ones.
Neurodiverse Marriages Can Work (available on Amazon)
You’re in pain. You’re confused and frustrated. You married someone who was kind, generous, calm, and brilliant. Sure, your partner was reserved. Maybe a little aloof. But over time, that reservation started to hurt. That aloofness twisted into self-centered actions. You feel alone. Neglected. You try to communicate, but it feels like you’re speaking different languages.
This ongoing emotional suffering results from distressing interpersonal relations with your Asperger/ASD spouse. He doesn’t understand, empathize with or validate your pain. This ongoing traumatic relationship syndrome is known as Cassandra Syndrome. You feel isolated and helpless to change your partner’s behavior.
In my own marriage of over 25 years, I can relate to such suffering. I often times asked the question…”should I stay or should I go?” It took many years of research and development to acquire tools for communication and emotional connection.
There are many resources out there to help neurodiverse couples. It’s essential to recognize, understand and treat the challenges. As a neurodiverse couples counselor, I know first hand that traditional marriage counseling is not effective as my husband and I went through that process to no avail.
It’s even more important to get the help needed for individual challenges as they can complicate the already difficult pieces to the ASD puzzle. As a neurotypical wife (NT), I had to examine how my behavior was affecting my relationship. Despite my cassandra symptoms I had to learn how to regulate my emotions and put a plan in place to remove myself when ASD situations came up. My daily meditation helped me stay on track to manage my acting out behaviors so I can be more present to utilize the communication tools. My ASD husband also learned how to regulate his emotions and slowly has been able to express his feelings. He continues to manage his social anxiety which I took personally, as I thought he didn’t want to interact with me or anybody else for that matter.
My husband stretches his limits and opens up more to people. He initiates conversation even when it is scary to do so. You don’t get better overnight, but you do need to start somewhere.
I’m here to help with that starting point. I start my process through education but, more importantly, I know you want immediate relief, so I like to introduce the tools sooner rather than later. It’s an ongoing process but if you don’t start somewhere you’ll never get your happy ever ending.
Please text me your email address for more information about my services and fees at (858) 735-1139.