New Year And Relationships

New Year And Relationships. With every New Year, there are  New Year’s resolutions. As a Marriage Counselor, the new year brings in couples who are either ending their relationships or couples who are starting new ones. The past year gave those who were thinking about staying or leaving a chance to think about whether or not it was feasible to stay. Those that are starting new relationships come into counseling to ensure they are putting forth their best efforts. The beginning of a new year is typically the time when couples either become engaged or separate and divorce. As a Marriage Counselor working with couples deciding whether to stay in their relationship or leave it, January 1st is an important deadline for ending relationships.  Breaking up, separation, and divorce can be devastating. It can also provide the opportunity for self-examination and a New Beginning.

New Year 2023

New Year And Relationships. As a Marriage Counselor, I help couples nurture good relationships and let go of unhealthy ones. We may love our family, but, there are some we just don’t like and feel uncomfortable to be around. Friends who take advantage of and manipulate us aren’t really our friends. Toxic people create a bitter atmosphere that is not conducive to happy dispositions. I help individuals acquire the skills for self-care and teach others how to behave around them. Without tools for teaching others how to appropriately behave around us, how can real change occur? Asserting oneself is not always easy, but in the long run, can indicate self-love and help you feel more in control of your life.

The New Year brings about the end of relationships for some couples and the beginning for others. The difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship is how well each person accepts responsibility and the willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by their partner.

Stylish young couple fighting over luggage and playing tug of war with a large suitcase on an urban streetIn unhealthy relationships, two people try to solve each other’s problems in order to feel good about themselves.  A healthy one is when two people solve their own problems in order to feel good about each other. Unhealthy relationships have poor boundaries. Boundaries help people distinguish between their own thoughts and feelings and others. They help individual’s own their “stuff” and allow other’s to see where their responsibilities lie.

Couple with unpacked boxes in new home

Healthy relationships consist of both partners being willing and able to say no to one another. Without being able to say “no” or the occasional rejection, boundaries break down and one person’s problems and values come to dominate the other’s. Conflict is normal in healthy couples and being conflict avoidant; not being able to hash out differences openly and vocally is a sure way for a relationship to deteriorate as it is based on manipulation and misrepresentation. Trust is also very important in any relationship. Healthy relationships experience conflict and should have good conflict resolution skills so communication can bring about the intimacy needed to want to remain in their couple hood.  Conflict exists to show us who is there for us unconditionally and who is just there for the benefits.

I also work with Neurodiverse Marriages where one partner is on the Autism Spectrum. Getting the communication tools to become less transactional and more relational is essential for harmony. Let this new year allow you the opportunity to learn about neurodiversity and how it affects your relationship. Being married to someone on the Autism Spectrum doesn’t have to be a life sentence to not being seen or heard. Learning how to communicate with one another makes for feeling less lonely.

If you have recently broken off an important relationship and are experiencing grief and loss or need help maintaining a new relationship please contact at (858) 735-1139 or email me at CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com to make sure you get the proper guidance to lead you to the maximum results.

As I am a certified neurodiverse couples counselor and neurotypical woman married to a man with Asperger’s, I know what is needed to move forward.

 

 

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