No We Without Me. There Is No We Without Me. There are many people out there who grow up thinking they need to find someone to partner up with sooner rather than later. I came across my 6th grade autograph book. As I would be entering middle school the following year, the main message from my classmates, female and male friends was “hope you find a boyfriend” next year. Of course, there were other messages that included, “you are such a nice person,” etc. But I do recall the main focus of our desires back then was to get a boyfriend. Almost as if it were some kind of status. If you had one, you were cool, if you didn’t, something must be wrong with you. How absurd! Can you imagine what kind of pressure that puts on a person? Not to mention taking up so much thinking space from your brain.
No “We” Without “Me”
Becoming the person you are to become doesn’t start off with, “who do I partner up with so I can feel whole?” Developing a sense of self is the key to individuating and differentiating. Becoming the individual you are to be and becoming more different from the family that raised you and all relationships you are a part of is what enables interdependence with a relationship. Being an autonomous person within a relationship is what makes marriages work. When your relationship is in trouble, it affects every part of your life. But it doesn’t mean you have to accept things as they are– or give up and walk away.
A healthy and happy relationship starts with taking charge or your own thoughts and actions, and learning how to be your own person. With a better understanding of self, a firm foundation of healthy communication skills, and the insight to make better choices, you’ll know how to interact positively with others. You’ll be able to create the healthy, loving, supportive relationship you know you deserve.
No “We” Without “Me” Growing up I followed the”rules” for a happy life. When I grew up I discovered there ought not to be “rules.” There is no one size fits all for finding happiness. Concentrating on self is a key part of actually growing up. Not just chronologically (physical age) but emotionally (psychological age). Understanding what it is you want for yourself, really helps in finding and maintaining a relationship that works for you. In my book, Happy Me Happy We: Six Steps To Know Yourself So You Know What You Want In a Relationship I take you through easy steps to do just that.
If you are able to understand who you are and what you want, not what others want for you, you are on the right road to finding your happiness. Your happiness will be different from my happiness. When I ask my clients what they want, most say they don’t know. They tend to want what other people want to please and be liked. People-pleasers are the most resentful and frustrated people I know. The negative energy (anger) affects all their relationships and they wonder why they are not happy. Being your true self will open the doors to what happiness will look like for you.
For more information on how to do that contact me at (858) 735-1139 or through my website CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com