Non-Monogamy.  How to do Non-monogamy.  What is Non-monogamy?  Let’s start with what Non-monogamy is not.  It is not cheating and it does not mean constant orgies.  Non-monogamy is an occasional and carefully negotiated break from the primary couple’s ordinary (sexual routine) which is based on full disclosure, mutual consent, and safe sex.  According to Sexolgist Michael Castleman the U.S. has 60 million couples where 1 to 3 percent play with Non-monogamy.  That makes 600,000 – 1.8 million couples.

Couples play with occasional Non-monogamy because it keeps their relationship sexually exciting and fresh.

If you are interested in occasional Non-monogamy here are tips to guide you through the process:

1.  There should be Mutuality of Consent:  Both partners should agree to participate in it.  If not, couples usually try it once, discuss and come to a consensus.

2.  Set up some Ground Rules:  Discuss what exactly you want to do and what you and your partner will tolerate.  Talk about the “what-ifs” beforehand.  These kinds of conversations deepen the couples’ emotional intimacy therefore be specific as possible and work to prevent anxieties that may come about.

3.  Spousal Presence:  Some couples want same-room play so they can keep an eye on one another as insecurities do arise.  Remember the goal is to draw couples closer not drive them apart, however, experiencing nakedness with strangers can create a lot of anxiety and insecurities.

4.  Develop a Safe Word:  When engaging in non-monogamous play in the same room it would be good to develop a “safe word” or some kind of discomfort signal indicating the other person immediately stops everything and meets their own partner’s concerns.

If you’re interested in non-monogamy it’s important to initially a have a dialogue with your partner about it.  Talk about what interests you and what about the topic you would like to elaborate on.  Incorporate into the discussion fantasies, how it might enhance your sex life, and the what-if’s.  If you’re curious but a bit nervous, a good start could be to visit a club or watch others play while touching only your partner.  If watching becomes more comfortable with each visit you may be inclined to participate and become more adventurous.

If you would like to introduce the subject of non-monogamy to your partner and need help with the process please contact me at (858) 735-1139.  No subject should be embarrassing to talk about with your significant other.

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