Sex Lessons For The Inexperienced. Lessons I wish I knew about when I was younger. When I was young I was told having sex before marriage was a sin. Growing up Catholic put allot of head trips on the whole concept of sex and pleasure. Minus the shame and guilt surrounding sex and relationships, Hollywood can certainly sensationalize sex and make it look rather hot, available and amazing. Without the script or movie director telling the couple what to do and how to feel, how is anyone suppose to know about having enjoyable sex, especially if your own parents didn’t give you the facts about what to do? I thought about collecting some helpful information and sharing them to help guide those who are inexperienced with the whole sexual process and for those who’s current sex life is still left to be desired.
1. Always have safe sex. Wear a condom and use some form of birth control. You want to prevent contracting a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) and unwanted pregnancies.
2. Sex is awkward. What I knew about sex in my youth came from my peers, movies and limited personal experience. Talking about sex at home and with my girlfriends always ended up with laughter masking our true desire to learn more about the subject.
3. Get a broader sexual education. Don’t be ashamed of talking to someone who can help with the discussion to answer your questions. If you can’t talk to your parents, and most of us couldn’t and wouldn’t, a licensed counselor could be a good place to start as it is confidential and you can talk about other relationship situations.
4. Be comfortable in your own skin. Know what makes you feel good so you know what to ask for in bed. If you know what you want you’re better equipped to ask your partner what they want without feeling embarrassed or intimidated.
5. Tell your partner what you want. If you know what feels good don’t make your partner read your mind. Share your desires and guide your partner so they know how to make your sexual experience with them pleasurable.
6. Good hygiene. Although some people like the natural smell of the body it’s a good idea to take a bath or shower before sex to ensure a fresh experience. That could be the main reason why couples shower together.
7. Alcohol. Don’t have more than 2 drinks. Alcohol can relax you and lower your inhibitions, but it can also affect your good decision making abilities and remove you from the consciousness needed to enjoy the experience and be safe.
8. Feel good about having sex. Get rid of the shame-based thoughts about sex you grew up with. Sex before marriage is not a bad thing. It’s not dirty and it’s not to be ashamed of. Holding onto those thoughts will keep sex an unpleasant lifelong experience for you.
9. Sex creates an emotional attachment. Even if it’s casual sex some people feel a sense of attachment afterwards. Sex releases Oxytocin which is also known as the “Cuddle Hormone,” which attaches us to the person we had sex with. Estrogen increases the effects of Oxytocin and Testosterone blunts it, making women more attached to men after sex.
10. Don’t do it with bad people. Or with people who you don’t feel good around. Your self-worth and self-esteem isn’t worth the physical pleasure, trust me. Plus that Oxytocin can get you into a relationship that isn’t good for you.
Knowing how to have sex makes sex a positive experience. If you are a virgin get the information you need to make the right decision about when and where you have your first sexual experience. If it isn’t good the first time practice and education, along with having open communication with your partner makes for guaranteed better sex in the future.
For additional information please contact me at (858) 735-1139.