Sex And Being A Single Parent. Married couples sometimes find it difficult to squeeze sex into their busy schedules but can you imagine being a single parent having to manage all that married couples do to maintain their household, and date and have sex at the same time? A recent survey showed that compared with coupled parents, single parents do just as much dating, socializing, and lovemaking and sometimes more.
As a Marriage Counselor, I help my single parents understand and appreciate their children’s needs come before their needs. As much as they want a personal life they are parents first and dating singles second. As most parents share custody I emphasize the importance of utilizing the time their children are with their former spouse to engage in personal time. Personal time can include working out, going to the spa, or dating and getting carnal needs met (having sex).
I was a single parent for seven years. My daughter was three years old and I was in Graduate school. I didn’t date for the first four years after my divorce but did have a male friend whom I spent time with when my daughter was not with me. As I married my first love interest (high school sweetheart) I was limited in understanding relationships. As I became more differentiated and better equipped to enter the dating scene I dated the last 3 years of my single years and studied relationships. What I found was there were good guys and there were not so good guys out there to spend time with. Online dating sites were not around at the time. There was, however, Great Expectations, a dating service where you went to an office to preview photos and videos of people you could be interested in dating.
What I learned for Do’s and Don’t for Single Parents dating:
Don’t:
Be desperate
Have one night stands on a regular basis
Think you’ve fallen in love with the first person you’re having sex with
Appear needy and be in contact with your love interest too often
Tolerate any kind of abuse or maltreatment
Introduce your children to your love interest until it becomes serious
Engage in sex when your children are home during your custody days
Let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to have a good time
Do:
Practice safe sex
Set good boundaries for yourself and others
Enjoy
The single parents I work with feel that they parent better when they are happy and don’t resent their children for taking them out of social circulation. Dating and sex add to their happiness, reduces any resentment they may feel, and make them better parents.
Sex as a single parent can be stressful at first, but you’ll get back into the swing of things in no time. Just remember to relax and enjoy yourself. For more information on balancing being a single parent and your sex life call me at (858) 735-1139.
