Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Relationships are complex. The skills we use to build and maintain personal relationships are innate and unlearned. Others are acquired from our life experiences and role modeled from those around us. Some relationships are healthy and functional. Others are dysfunctional and/or abusive. In the beginning of any new relationship the atmosphere is fun loving and fairly easy. After the Honeymoon Stage people let their hair down and show us their true selves. Sometimes those true selves are not appropriate partners. When deciding whether or not to stay or go ask yourself “am I getting enough in this relationship to offset the pain of what’s wrong and what’s lacking to make grieving what I’m not getting worth my while? – Terry Real
Couples in healthy relationships have clear boundaries and mutual trust. The Conflict Resolution Stage is where most couples stand the test of time. With conflict resolution skills they are able to manage their differences without damaging their relationship. We all have different perspectives. If we can show empathy and validate our partner’s perspective, that not only shows you love and care for them, you have the maturity to obtain insight about others.
As a Marriage Counselor, I work with couples who have the capacity to see each other’s perspective and those who do not. In acquiring the tools for effective communication the couple either moves forward or is stuck at an impasse where they seem unable to exercise the system put in place for conflict resolution.
When at an impasse an assessment is made to determine whether one or both partners can’t or won’t allow the tools to manage their conflict. I see couples who keep themselves in vicious cycles because one refuses to accept the challenges of the other and remains in an unhealthy and unhappy situation. When enough time goes by and there is seemingly no progress from the partner with little to no empathy for the other’s perspective one or both may decide to leave the relationship.
I work with many couples who need help deciding “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” Through our counseling both have the opportunity to make an informed decision as they progress through their process or lack thereof and that becomes the answer to that question.
For information in deciding to stay in your relationship or leave it please contact me at (858) 735-1139.