Refresh A Stagnate Relationship

Refresh A Stagnate Relationship.  Spring is here and just as we do Spring cleaning around our house it’s important to do a Spring cleaning with our relationship.  What works and what doesn’t?  Take inventory and talk about what you like and don’t like about your interaction with one another.  What is making you happy and what is making you unhappy.  Do you need to talk about how your sex life is boring and would you like to know how to spice it up and don’t know how to have a conversation about it?  Do you think everybody around you is having the time of their life and you’ve missed the boat?

Stagnate Relationship

In relationships, it is important to bring out the best in yourself.  Developing “self-focus” and not “other-focus” can enhance your ability to understand how your partner is limiting himself or herself in the relationship.  It brings about self-awareness in having some insight as to what you are bringing into the relationship and how you can effect change.  You can only control what you do not what your partner does. Role model taking responsibility for your own actions and perhaps your partner will do the same.

What you can do to refresh your relationship:

1. Be Mindful. Couples who avoid saying their critical thoughts on touchy topics are happiest.  But those who say what they need to say in effective ways feel more free to “be.”

2. Seek help early. The average couple lives in distress far too long.  Couples usually hope there is a way to make things better but fear a Therapist will recommend separation.  Remember the right therapist will understand your goal to save your relationship.  The  right Therapist will help you obtain tools to help you concretely get what you want to move forward, not just talk and do the “psycho babble”  “how do you feel about that? BS.”

3.  Focus on the positive.  Successful couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other as negative comments.  Learn how to do that.

4.  Diffuse the disagreement.  Happy couples know how to repair a situation or exit an argument before things get out of control.  Use humor, make a caring remark, change the topic, or take a 15-minute break or “time out” when things get heated up.

5.  Find the right therapist.  Seek someone who specializes in Couples Counseling and who is able to help you sort out your options and help you make the right decision for you and your family.

For more information about me and how I work as a Couples Counselor and Marriage Therapist please call me at (858) 735-1139 or go to my site at


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