Would You Stay If Your Husband Cheats?

Would You Stay If Your Husband Cheats?  Finding out your husband has cheated on you is about the worst pain and heartache that comes from such a betrayal.  If you’ve ever been cheated on you know that feeling of devastation when you first find out as your heart starts to race, you experience difficulty in breathing, and you feel as afraid as you are angry. Your head tells you to leave but your heart tells you to stay.  Your family and friends take your side as they try to comfort you, but offer little help as they encourage you to leave as they state you can’t trust a cheater and cheaters never change.  But is that always the case?

These days about 65% of couples stay together after an affair.  That’s two-thirds of all couples who discover some form of infidelity, whether emotional or sexual. Many of those relationships not only survive but do better in the long run after affair recovery as they are forced to look at their relationship issues and move forward developing a New Monogamy or a new relationship that works better than the former.  In my 25 years of working with couples, prognosis is very good if both partners are sincerely willing to work on a new vision. There are exceptions to staying together that include affairs that are used as a way for one person to get out of a relationship or an exit plan.  You can’t put something back together if irreparable damage has been done to it.  Three goals make staying together a possibility if both work toward creating something new between the two of them moving forward:

  1. Move toward Empathy rather than Forgiveness.
  2. Be completely honest.  What do you have to lose at this point. There could be a Silver Lining, as relationship you’ve always wanted.
  3. Find a support system.  A therapist who specializes in Affair Recovery and Infidelity.

For more information on how to implement those goals and help with your individual situation please contact me at (858) 735-1139 to start developing your support system to gain the insight and self-awareness that will give you the capacity to change your relationship.

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