Affair Proof Your Marriage. As a Marriage Counselor working in Affair and Infidelity Recovery I work with couples who made the terrible mistake of cheating and now are left experiencing confusion and panic as they don’t know what to do to move forward and remedy what they have just done.
No doubt affairs can provide much excitement and illicit passion but the discovery of it in the form of “getting caught” is quite devastating and feelings of guilt and shame are overwhelming. No one intentionally plans for an affair. There are many reasons individuals make this kind of bad decision. Monogamy is not easy. It’s something that has to be conscious and a constant choice.
As a Marriage Counselor working through Affair Recovery happens when the damage has already been done. Putting some preventative steps in place can be wise to affair-proof your marriage.
Dr. Tammy Nelson, Sex Therapist and Author suggest:
- Start small: communicate. You and your partner need to talk about the little stuff. Don’t wait till the Zombie wakes up and you have no choice but to fight about the big stuff. Start small, now. Spend 15 minutes a day catching up.
Ask your partner these three questions every day:
- What was a highlight of your day?
- What was a down moment for you?
- How are we doing, as a couple today?
- Say something nice. Stop criticizing everything they do. When you first met you flirted, flattered and found your way into their heart with kindness. Don’t expect to get the same love and affection now by yelling, blaming or belittling. Say something kind.
- Every day say three things you appreciate about your partner.
- Ask them to repeat back to you what they heard.
- Make sex hot. Sex is an important part of a relationship. It’s the one difference between a romantic relationship and a roommate. Keep the erotic side of your life alive by focusing on it as a priority. Carve out a time and space for sex. Honor the time put in the effort. If you’re not into it, find out why. It’s not your partner’s fault that you are not turning yourself on.
Dr. Gina Ogden, author of Return of Desire, says to ask yourself these questions:
- What do I do to turn myself on?
- What do I do to turn myself off?
Take responsibility for making your love life hot and exciting. Why think about going somewhere else when you and your Zombie can be perfectly satisfied right at home?
For more information about affair proofing your marriage contact me (858) 8735-1139 or visit www.couplescounselorsandiego.com.