Sex No Matter What Your Size. Women and body image. Enjoying sex no matter what your size has a lot to do with Sexual Intelligence. Sexual intelligence, SI, according to author Marty Klein, is the understanding to stop observing ourselves during sex, ending our obsession with sexual performance and sexual normality. SI teaches people how to relax and enjoy sex with the body they have, the partner they have, in the situation they have in every stage of their lives. Body parts come in all shapes and sizes. So do female and male sexual anatomy. How you feel about your size has little to do with whether or not you’re enjoying sex. It’s your psychological well-being and the confidence you exude in continuing to be the best version of yourself.
A healthy sex life starts with self-assurance. Often times body size can make us feel self-conscious. Even the hottest of bodies where the work-out has proven successful have something to criticize. As a child, I heard my mother talk about not eating so much because her stomach would get big. As I got older I observed her counting calories, going on certain diets, and exercising quite a bit. Back in the early 70’s, there was a candy that claimed loss of appetite and my siblings and I would sneak and eat them. They tasted ok and so dieting and talking about not getting fat became normalized to me.
The American Psychological Association’s 124th Annual Convention shared information from researchers that found that women’s feelings about how thin they are have improved significantly over time. Looking at data from more than 100,000 men and women over 31 years, they found that from 1981 to 2011, on average women’s dissatisfaction dropped 3.3 points.
After analyzing data on body image and body dissatisfaction from surveys covering a 30-year period and 120,000-plus participants, Researcher and Professor Bryan Karazsia formally concluded that “these findings … offer evidence that sociocultural shifts in body acceptance and body diversity may be countering thinness-related pressures for girls and women.”
As a teenager and young adult, I believe I suffered from some symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder in that I thought I had to be a certain weight to look and feel good. Every morning I would rise and get on that weigh scale to see if my weight went up or down. During the stages I felt fat, 5 pounds heavier than normal, it would affect the way I thought and felt about myself. I would become self-conscious thinking I wasn’t sexy or pretty enough, etc., because of the stupid notion of that weight gain. How absurd!
As a Marriage Counselor, I help individuals develop a Greater Sense of Self to get perspective on our bodies and what body image means to us. Society placed a lot of pressure on women and their bodies. Couple that with what was learned in your family of origin and it could affect many areas of your life. Women’s Health magazine had decided to remove the all-too-familiar language seen in supermarket check-out lines and magazine racks across the nation, such as “Is your body bikini ready?” It assumes only hard bodies can sport a bikini. I believe in wearing what feels comfortable and buying a suit that compliments your figure.
In developing that greater Sense of Self and knowing what you like and don’t like in and out of the bedroom makes for a better sexual experience. Gaining Sexual Intelligence makes for fulfilling and exciting sex no matter what your size.
For more information about sex and how you feel about your size please contact me at (858) 735-1139.