Breakups – How To Get Over Them As Fast As Possible

Breakups – How To Get Over Them As Fast As Possible.  Breakups suck and reliving them is either wildly unpleasant or weirdly humorous.  We’ve all gone through them.  Breakups hurt but aren’t the end of the world.  The pain is temporary, and if handled appropriately, can be life changing as we learn from all our past relationships.  Both men and women who go through breakups are consumed with despair, confusion, and anger hence they go through the grief and loss process. They are truly devastated by the end of a relationship that they thought was going to last forever.  Getting over a broken heart is incredibly tough.

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Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net and smarnad

It can also be surprisingly empowering as you become victorious in finally living your own life again without the constant presence of heartache.  If you want to get over your breakup sooner rather than later follow through with these hard fast Commandments suggested by authors Behrendt and Ruotola.

First Commandment:  Don’t see or talk to him/her for sixty days

Second Commandment:  Get yourself a breakup buddy

Third Commandment:  Get rid of his/her possessions and the things that remind you of them

Fourth Commandment:  Get yourself in motion every day

Fifth Commandment:  Don’t wear your breakup out into the world

Sixth Commandment:  No backsliding!

Seventh Commandment:  It won’t work unless you are number one!

This article was written with humor to add levity to a situation as a breakup can really be quite painful.  In Couples Counseling I help Individuals who are broken up acquire the tools to behave like people who are broken up.  It is very tempting to see each other every now and then after a breakup.  People often times still have sex with one another which adds too much confusion and even more difficulty keeping the breakup broken.  If you are broken up, then it is important to behave like a couple who is broken up.  Exercising appropriate behavior will keep you moving forward.  If you would like more information on break up tools and acquiring appropriate break up behavior to help you move forward please give me a call at (858) 735-1139 or email at [email protected]

It’s not an end it’s a beginning.  Call me and let’s get started.

The Dumpers and The Dumpees

The Dumpers and The Dumpees. A breakup seems easiest for couples who decide mutually to end the relationship. In most cases, however, as suggested by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, in their book, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, a breakup involves a dumper, the party who takes the initiative to end the relationship, and a dumpee, the one who wants the relationship to continue it.  Sometimes, when one analyzes the nature of the relationship, it may be difficult to decide just who is the dumper and the dumpee. In general, however, the dumper is the one who says it is all over, and the dumpee is the one in shock who begs the other not to leave. Dumpees often say they were taken completely by surprise by their partner’s announcement.

finger puppet getting dumped

The breakup experience is often very different for each of the two parties. The dumper usually began preparing for the end well before the final announcement, and the actual parting often comes as a relief for the dumper. The primary emotion experienced by the dumper is guilt. The dumpee, on the other hand, is usually hit by surprise and with a great deal of pain. The turmoil of the breakup itself is usually much more intense for the dumpee, but it is this pain that can motivate more personal growth. The main task of the dumpee is to work through feelings of rejection. Both parties usually experience a great deal of pain as their relationship comes to an end, although the pain of guilt is different from the pain of rejection. For a healthy adjustment, it is important to recognize which role has been assumed, dumper or dumpee, and to work on the issues appropriate to that role.
The Dumpers and The Dumpees

How Long Do I Wait Until I Get Into Another Relationship? Expect that it will take at least a year before things begin to feel at all normal again. For most of us, depending on the length and the nature of our previous relationship, it will take two or three years. This may seem like an eternity, but in reality, this is a wonderful and precious opportunity to find out who you are as an unattached individual. A word of warning is in order – don’t expect to involve yourself with someone else immediately! You are on the rebound. To attach yourself prematurely in a love relationship is unfair to you and to the other person. You must deal with important personal issues when your previous love relationship comes to an end.

Living through the transition and exploring these issues can be painful – and falling in love again may seem like the perfect way to end the pain.  If you enter the dating scene too quickly and before you have a chance to explore the issues which led to your breakup, the other person becomes a replacement object, and that is not what a healthy relationship is about. You will probably carry into this replacement relationship the same issues that helped to lead to the demise of your former relationship – and similar events may very well happen again. Your real goal is to discover who you are and to explore what happened. When you are at the point of being able to have a happy and fulfilled life as a single person, then you can choose when, or even if, you should involve yourself in another love relationship. When you know that you have that choice, you may be ready. I help individuals and couples who have broken up, with this process in therapy.

The Dumpers and The Dumpees

If you would like to know more about working on personal issues as they do effect relationship issues, please call me at (858) 735-1139 and I can help you sort out what you need to know about what is contributing to your relationship.