What To Know About Breakups

What To Know About Breakups. One of the biggest challenges on mental health is obsessing about relationships that are in the process of ending, have ended, or should end. As a Marriage Counselor working with couples, married or not married, I utilize strategies for navigating what one can and cannot control when their relationship ends.

I recently worked with a couple who came in due to infidelity. The Hurt Partner (female) stated she wanted to work on Affair Recovery. The Affair Partner (male) was willing to go through the process and took responsibility for his behavior. During the course of counseling the hurt partner continued to inappropriately act out her emotions of hurt, anger, and disappointment by yelling, blowing up his phone, showing up at his office unannounced, etc.  According to the Affair Partner her melt downs and inability to manage her feelings validated his decision to end their 5 year relationship as he realized his betrayal was one of many issues the couple faced.

His decision blindsided her and she was left devastated. Reconciliation was not an option as his decision was final for all of his valid reasons. Both were experiencing grief and loss.

With mixed emotions they individually sought counseling with me to try and understand what happened. Breakups are awful. The one who wants to leave the relationship feels just as bad as the person who was left. (See blog: Dumpers and Dumpees)

Both asked what they can do to manage their feelings about the breakup. The best thing you can do during a breakup is to concentrate on yourself. Spend time focusing on “self” rather than “other.” Everyone has their own way of healing. Sometimes that way is not conducive to the other person. You can’t control anyone but yourself. Develop a support system.  Stay off of social media so you can concentrate on yourself and not what your “ex” is doing. Journal your feelings and what you learned about yourself in this relationship.  Your breakup can be a means to grow. Take advantage of the time alone.  Become the person someone would want to grow old with.

Call me at (858) 735-1139 for more information on surviving your recent breakup.

Breakups – How To Get Over Them As Fast As Possible

Breakups – How To Get Over Them As Fast As Possible.  Breakups suck and reliving them is either wildly unpleasant or weirdly humorous.  We’ve all gone through them.  Breakups hurt but aren’t the end of the world.  The pain is temporary, and if handled appropriately, can be life changing as we learn from all our past relationships.  Both men and women who go through breakups are consumed with despair, confusion, and anger hence they go through the grief and loss process. They are truly devastated by the end of a relationship that they thought was going to last forever.  Getting over a broken heart is incredibly tough.

Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net and smarnad

It can also be surprisingly empowering as you become victorious in finally living your own life again without the constant presence of heartache.  If you want to get over your breakup sooner rather than later follow through with these hard fast Commandments suggested by authors Behrendt and Ruotola.

First Commandment:  Don’t see or talk to him/her for sixty days

Second Commandment:  Get yourself a breakup buddy

Third Commandment:  Get rid of his/her possessions and the things that remind you of them

Fourth Commandment:  Get yourself in motion every day

Fifth Commandment:  Don’t wear your breakup out into the world

Sixth Commandment:  No backsliding!

Seventh Commandment:  It won’t work unless you are number one!

This article was written with humor to add levity to a situation as a breakup can really be quite painful.  In Couples Counseling I help Individuals who are broken up acquire the tools to behave like people who are broken up.  It is very tempting to see each other every now and then after a breakup.  People often times still have sex with one another which adds too much confusion and even more difficulty keeping the breakup broken.  If you are broken up, then it is important to behave like a couple who is broken up.  Exercising appropriate behavior will keep you moving forward.  If you would like more information on break up tools and acquiring appropriate break up behavior to help you move forward please give me a call at (858) 735-1139 or email at Sarah@CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com

It’s not an end it’s a beginning.  Call me and let’s get started.