Spring And Infidelity

Spring And Infidelity. Spring is in the air and new beginnings come with the temptation to feel alive. Having affairs can do just that. Those who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) love Spring and the summer months as exposure to sunshine ultimately allows them to feel happier.  The increased levels of Serotonin enables people to feel more confident and more social

Spring And Infidelity

As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, Spring typically jump starts someone’s decision to start an affair.  I’m often asked why people have affairs.  And if more men than women have affairs in general.  As every couple is different with their own set of unique circumstances there is no one size fits all answer to the first question.  Regarding the percentages of males and females cheating the numbers are almost equal.  As an Affair Recovery Specialist, I help couples through the devastation of discovery or disclosure of any kind of infidelity.  Again, there are many reasons why people have affairs.  One reason is they want to feel different and being with someone else meets that objective.  When you’ve been in a long term relationship the feelings of familiarity and security are nice.  The excitement level, however, decreases as familiarity can bring about routine.  Routine is often times boring to say the least.

As an Affair Recovery Specialist, I see first hand how betrayal hurts.  Being cheated on effects the core of our existence as it leaves us with the loss of being significant to our partner. Spring And Infidelity

For those of you who are thinking about starting an affair please be mindful that if and when an affair is discovered the repercussions are grave.  If you are found out the best course of action is not to deny but be forthcoming and admit.  In working with couples throughout my 24 years in practice, admission is ultimately the best thing you can do.  Admission enables you to finally be honest.  With admission affair recovery can lead to being more open and honest about what went wrong and why, as well as what is needed to develop the relationship you both want for moving forward.  Coming clean is the first step to trying to save your marriage/relationship.  Continuing to deny worsen your ability to be honest.

It may sound counterintuitive to admit to your affair after it is discovered but for true healing to occur that is the right first step to affair recovery.  If you are having an affair and want help in disclosing or your affair has just been discovered contact me at (858) 735-139 to ensure you get what you want out of this ordeal.

When Are People Most Likely To Cheat?

When Are People Most Likely To Cheat? There appears to be a rise in infidelity with social media and a plethora of dating/hookup sites available at a click of a switch or a swipe of a hand.  Men and women cheat for many different reasons. Some men are looking for friendships in affairs while some women are looking for affection and vice versa.  As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I’ve come to believe people cheat because sometimes it’s just easier to be different with a different person.  There are many facets of our selves. Infidelity keeps some of those facets alive when others have become numb. There are signs that indicate whether or not a partner is cheating. We often associate summer with flings and fun, but new data shows it’s also the season for something a little more sinister, like the most popular time for cheating.

When Are People Most Likely To Cheat?

When Are People Most Likely To Cheat? Time of year is one sign.  According to Daniel Kruger, evolutionary psychologist, there is a surge in cheating during the summer months as warmer weather enables people to socialize more.  With more exposure to the sun there is an increased level of serotonin where people feel happier.

With sun exposure during those summer months people tend to feel more confident making it easier to kick start the decision to start an affair, allowing them to feel better about their decision. Dr. Kruger states, “increased chances to be unfaithful” during summer months enables the rise of affairs to the fact that people are generally more social in warmer weather.

Travelling makes for possible high risk to cheat.  Being away from your partner makes for convenience and access to having an affair.  Business trips can be stressful and finding a partner for a one night stand is not unusual.

Disharmony within the primary relationship can make infidelity more of a reality than a fantasy.  When couples don’t feel emotionally or physically connected a third person can become a substitute for that loss.

Many people cheat so they can remain in their relationship/marriage.  The reasoning being they want to keep their family together.  Not all people who engage in affairs are disgruntled in their relationship.  Some people just want to feel something different or manage a non physical or emotional disconnect.

For information about when people are more likely to cheat  contact me at (858) 735-1139.

Spring And Infidelity

Spring And Infidelity. Spring is in the air and new beginnings come with the temptation to feel alive. Having affairs can do just that. Those who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) love Spring and the summer months as exposure to sunshine ultimately allows them to feel happier.  The increased levels of Serotonin enables people to feel more confident and more social

Spring And Infidelity

As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, Spring typically jump starts someone’s decision to start an affair.  I’m often asked why people have affairs.  And if more men than women have affairs in general.  As every couple is different with their own set of unique circumstances there is no one size fits all answer to the first question.  Regarding the percentages of males and females cheating the numbers are almost equal.  As an Affair Recovery Specialist, I help couples through the devastation of discovery or disclosure of any kind of infidelity.  Again, there are many reasons why people have affairs.  One reason is they want to feel different and being with someone else meets that objective.  When you’ve been in a long term relationship the feelings of familiarity and security are nice.  The excitement level, however, decreases as familiarity can bring about routine.  Routine is often times boring to say the least.

As an Affair Recovery Specialist, I see first hand how betrayal hurts.  Being cheated on effects the core of our existence as it leaves us with the loss of being significant to our partner. Spring And Infidelity

For those of you who are thinking about starting an affair please be mindful that if and when an affair is discovered the repercussions are grave.  If you are found out the best course of action is not to deny but be forthcoming and admit.  In working with couples throughout my 24 years in practice, admission is ultimately the best thing you can do.  Admission enables you to finally be honest.  With admission affair recovery can lead to being more open and honest about what went wrong and why, as well as what is needed to develop the relationship you both want for moving forward.  Coming clean is the first step to trying to save your marriage/relationship.  Continuing to deny worsen your ability to be honest.

It may sound counterintuitive to admit to your affair after it is discovered but for true healing to occur that is the right first step to affair recovery.  If you are having an affair and want help in disclosing or your affair has just been discovered contact me at (858) 735-139 to ensure you get what you want out of this ordeal.

Life Expectancy Of Extramarital Affairs

Life Expectancy Of Extramarital Affairs. Finding out your partner has cheated on you is probably the most devastating piece of news you’ll ever hear. Whether you discovered the affair or it was disclosed to you it hurts like hell. The pain we experience feels like an attack on our body. It’s almost surprising just how much it can hurt. Your first response may be shock which then turns into panic. Of course, you’ll feel anger, but anger is secondary to the range of emotions you’ll be experiencing. Feelings of hurt, disappointed, sadness, and betrayal are typically the underlying emotions to anger. Finding out about the affair either blindsides you or confirms some suspicion you’ve had for some time. Betrayal makes us feel unsafe.

Life Expectancy Of Extramarital Affairs

With infidelity, there is the affair partner (the cheater) and the hurt partner. In Affair Recovery the couple talks about whether they want to stay together or move on . Affair recovery helps determine whether saving the marriage is feasible.

How long do extra marital affair last? Extramarital affairs vary in duration. About 50% may last between one month to a year. Long term affairs may last for about 15 months or more. And about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond.  And some can last a lifetime.

As an Affair Recovery Specialist, I work with couples whose affairs consist of a one night stand to ones that continued for more than a decade. Tools are acquired but the single most indicator in moving forward is the affair partner’s ability to articulate his/her insight about why the affair happened and why it won’t happen again, while the hurt partner appropriately manages their emotions for the long haul. Affair recovery is three steps forward and two steps backward until enough time goes by for stability.

I have successfully worked with couples on both ends of the spectrum with much success. Being able to save your relationship rests on your desire to want to. That, coupled with affair recovery with me, can make that happen.

Please contact me for an appointment at (858) 735-1139 or through my website: CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com

 

Reclamation Sex – What Exactly Is It?

Reclamation Sex – what exactly is it? What is reclamation? Simply put, reclamation is the process of claiming something back or of reasserting a right. For example, “the reclamation of our shared history.” Reclamation sex in Affair Recovery is when the affair partner and the hurt partner engage in sex after an affair is discovered or disclosed.  As a marriage therapist and affair recovery specialist, couples come in to see if they can or want to salvage their marriage. “Should I stay or should I go” is a question the hurt partner wants desperately to know. During the initial session where both share their narratives they say they are having sex with each other despite the range of emotions from the affair. They say they have been having more sex with each other than ever before. Both feel it is an implicit message to one another that the affair will be resolved and they will get back to their normal lives. They think having a lot of sex with each other during recovery minimizes the affair partner’s behavior and repairs the problems that lead to the affair. Reclamation Sex – What Exactly Is It?

photo credit: Natalia Mindru Photomicona
Reclamation Sex – What Exactly Is It?

This is far from being true. Sex is happening because the partners want to reclaim their love for each other. They want to reclaim their bodies to each other as there exists a breach in physical boundaries. The act of sex is symbolic in that they are the primary relationship and any third party is not part of union. The hurt partner may be having a lot of sex to keep the affair partner from any more contact with the “lover.” The “other woman” presents a threat to the primary relationship, and as a dog marks its territory so does do the people in affair recovery. The affair partner may be having a lot of sex to make up for the guilt and shame and to show remorse for devastating the hurt partner. Showing each other physical intimacy helps reassure any insecurities for the time being.

In affair recovery we talk about the reasons for the affair. The process helps the affair partner gain some insight to his/her behavior and why he/she went down that bad road. To be able to articulate that insight to the hurt partner while the hurt partner learns to appropriately manage their emotions is the single best indicator that prognosis will be good.

Couples therapist

Having sex with your partner after an affair is actually quite normal. There is no judgement or criticism while in affair recovery. Information gathering to obtain insight is crucial to recovery. And having sex in the meantime doesn’t necessarily mean one way or the other for the future of the relationship.

For more information about reclamation sex and affair recovery please visit my website CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com or call me at (858) 735-1139.